‘So,’ Jessica whispered as they made their way down the stairs outside the dorm. ‘When you get back to England, do you think anything will happen with Hanuman?’
Sophia slipped off the bottom step and flailed for the handrail.
Jessica grabbed her before she crashed to the ground. ‘You need to remember there’s one more step than you think.’
‘And you need to stop asking me awkward questions when I’m navigating uneven surfaces.’
Jessica smirked. ‘Sorry about that.’
They set off at a fast pace towards the asana hall.
‘So?’
Sophia shook her head. ‘Nothing can ever happen because he wants to stay celibate.’
‘But if he changed his mind…?’
Fire coursed through Sophia, exiting through her cheeks. The thought of being with Isaac was so incendiary she could barely allow herself to contemplate it.
‘I’ll take that as a “yes” then,’ Jessica said. ‘And I don’t blame you. If Mohan’s an eight, Hanuman’s a ten million…’
Arriving at the asana hall, Grace was outside, her face pinched and red as she argued with Anisha. As soon as the two women noticed Sophia, the conversation stopped, and they glared at her.
‘Grace,’ Sophia began. ‘Can I speak with you for a moment?’
‘Don’t bother,’ Grace hissed, then ran into the hall, plonked herself on the floor next to a group of women, and started whispering to them.
Sophia bit the inside of her cheek, tears building again in her throat. Right now, she just wanted to go home.
‘You’re late,’ Anisha said coldly.
‘No, we’re not,’ Jessica replied. ‘And nama-fucking-ste to you, too.’
Grabbing Sophia’s arm, she led her into the building to the back of the group, as far away from their roommates and Grace as possible.
After an hour of chanting, Sophia’s voice was hoarse, and she had a headache. She wanted to go for a stroll in the five minutes they had between classes, but didn’t want to get ambushed by one of the other students.
Jessica took her water bottle. ‘I’ll go fill it for you. If you need the toilet, duck out of the main lecture ten minutes in. That way no-one can hassle you.’
‘Thanks. That’s a good idea.’
Sophia rolled out her yoga mat at the back of the hall, lay down on it, and closed her eyes. She’d come to the ashram hoping to find peace, tranquillity, and an improved ability to handle stress.
What she’d actually discovered was…
Letting out a sigh, she squeezed her eyes tightly shut, pushing the tears back down. Every part of her body ached, and her brain buzzed with information overload. Even though she liked the yoga classes they were doing with Isaac, without enough food or sleep to recover properly, it was all too much.
The chatter of other students stopped abruptly. Turning her head, Sophia opened her eyes.
Isaac was entering the hall, Swami Vishnu by his side.
Scrambling to a seated position, her heart accelerated and her tummy turned over. Isaac was so beautiful it took her breath away. How on earth did someone that gorgeous find her attractive?
In the back of her mind, Sophia could hear her mother, Estelle, Jessica, and everyone else who fought her corner, yelling that she was beautiful. But it didn’t seem to make a difference what they said. She’d been unconfident enough when she’d got together with Marcus, and now, after everything that had happened this year, her self-esteem was at rock bottom.
Anisha and Mohan carried the gold chair from the temple into the hall and placed it at the front, then Swami Vishnu swept the back of his robe out of the way and sat.
All the students were sitting up extra straight as they gazed at him, like meerkats on high alert. Anisha and Mohan were to one side of Swami Vishnu, glaring at everyone as if to force them into perfect behaviour, Isaac on the other.