Page 129 of The Love Position

Sophia lowered herself to the floor, her pulse quickening. What did they want?

Tyger leaned in. ‘We wanted to talk to you about Hanuman,’ she whispered.

Oh god. What do they know? Panic flashed across her skin.

‘Don’t look so worried,’ Paisley said. ‘We know he isn’t into you.’

Sophia clamped her lips shut to stop a manic laugh from escaping.

‘Mohan told me Hanuman has taken a vow of chastity,’ Tyger continued. ‘But we think it’s bollocks, and he only said that because he’s jealous.’

The other women nodded in agreement.

‘Do you know anything?’ Khloe-Narcisse asked. ‘It’s obvious Hanuman thinks we’re hot. He touched my butt when I was in downward dog.’

Paisley nodded. ‘And he fondled my boob when he didn’t think anyone was looking.’

Sophia dug her nails into her palms as the urge to be sick smashed into her stomach.

It’s not true. You know it’s not true.

‘Was he handsy when he took you to the hospital?’ Tyger asked.

Biting the inside of her cheek, Sophia shook her head.

‘Course he wouldn’t be,’ Paisley said crossly to Tyger. ‘He doesn’t fancy her.’ She turned to Sophia. ‘Did he say anything to you about a vow of chastity?’

What should she say? Unsure, she shook her head.

The other women’s faces lit up.

‘See,’ Khloe-Narcisse said to the group. ‘Mohan’s full of shit.’

They nodded.

‘I’d still shag him,’ Fearne said with a grin.

‘Well, it’s less than forty-eight hours until our day off. Then we’ll have time to take them up on what they’re offering,’ Khloe-Narcisse said. She raised her hands for the other women to high-five her. ‘May the best woman win.’

By the time Jessica arrived at the asana hall, Swami Vishnu was clapping his hands to signal the start of the lecture.

‘Sorry! Just needed to fill my bottle and empty my bladder,’ she said cheerfully, before plonking herself down on the floor next to Sophia. ‘Carry on! Don’t mind me!’

Swami Vishnu gave her a look designed to ensure she was born as an amoeba in her next incarnation, then turned his smiles to the women sitting at his feet.

‘Yogis and yoginis, today’s lecture concerns the twenty spiritual instructions handed down to us from Swami Devanandara. Practising these daily will lead you down the path to enlightenment and grant you freedom from the bonds of rebirth. Turn to page three hundred and five in your manuals.’

Sophia did, noting the first instruction to always get up at four a.m. every morning. Did Isaac do that? Would he expect her to? She flicked her eyes down the list. It was so prescriptive and onerous. There seemed no time to have a job, rest, or chill out watching rubbish on the telly.

‘Your practice should begin with meditation whilst facing east. Begin with one hour, then extend this to three hours. To save time, you may also repeat your mantra in multiples of one hundred and eight, up to two thousand and six hundred times daily,’ Swami Vishnu continued.

‘Not gonna happen,’ Jessica murmured under her breath.

‘After meditation, practise your asanas for two hours. Do not skip a day of this.’

Jessica’s hand went up.

Swami Vishnu ignored her. ‘A sattvic vegetarian diet will help promote spiritual discipline.’

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