Page 126 of The Love Position

‘I’m going to swallow sections, one knot at a time,’ he said. ‘Then slowly pull it out.’

He kept his focus on the floor as a collective gasp of shock filled the silence.

Breathing slowly in and out of his nose to stay calm, Isaac swallowed knot after knot, his eyes streaming, and his irritated oesophagus trying to vomit the cotton back up.

He took his mind back to his house in Foxbrooke, imagining Sophia in the garden, laughing in the sunshine, diving into the pool. Cooking with her in the kitchen, curled up on the sofa, reading together, making love in a room filled with starlight.

The images helped him take the entire strip of fabric. Then he exhaled a long breath and slowly pulled it back out, discarding the gauze into an empty bin by the side of the table.

The space was so quiet he could hear the rapid thudding of his own heart. He couldn’t meet Sophia’s eyes. He couldn’t look at anyone. He just needed to get through this.

‘With Kunjar Kriya,’ he said, his voice rough and his throat in pain, ‘we swallow glasses of salt water, then put pressure on our stomach with our left hand and stimulate our gag reflex with the fingers of our right, until we forcibly remove the water we’ve just drunk.’

Dipping a tumbler into the bucket in front of him, he gulped five glasses, then turned and immediately vomited it over the edge of the wooden platform onto the ground. As his stomach heaved and his eyes watered, he felt lighter, as if he wasn’t just getting rid of the salt water, but also his deep attachment to the Devanandara organisation.

Turning, Isaac met the eyes of the people directly in front of him.

Their faces were white. Some women were quietly crying, and Grace was shaking. There was no way he was going to make any of them do what he’d just endured.

Then he risked a glance at Sophia.

Tears tracked down her cheeks. They felt like acid dripping onto his soul.

Jessica took hold of Sophia’s hand, an expression of fury on her face. ‘What are the bits of plastic tubing for?’ she asked, her free hand pointing at the table.

The answer stuck in Isaac’s throat.

‘They are for Basti,’ Swami Vishnu said. ‘You’ll go into the sea and insert the tube into your rectum. Then you’ll engage Uddiyana Bandha, followed by Nauli to draw water into your colon through your anus. After that, you’ll withdraw the tube, do another couple of rounds of abdominal churning, and expel the water from your intestines.’

Silence.

Swami Vishnu clapped his hands, an excited expression on his face. ‘Okay, everyone! Dip your gauze into the bucket and start swallowing.’

‘Hell to the no,’ Jessica called out.

Grace was shaking so hard, Isaac was certain she was having a panic attack.

He dropped to his knees in front of her. ‘You don’t have to do any of this,’ he murmured. ‘Nobody does,’ he continued, a little louder.

Letting out a gasping sob, Grace grabbed his hands. She was trying to speak, but couldn’t get her words out.

Isaac squeezed her ice-cold fingers. ‘It’s okay, Grace. You’re okay. No-one is being forced to do this. It’s optional.’

‘It’s all part of the authentic ashram experience,’ Swami Vishnu exclaimed over the murmurs of discontent.

His words seemed to send a shock through Grace. Eyes wide with panic, she fell forward, her fingers clawing at Isaac’s t-shirt as if to hide in his arms.

Sitting, he held her small body on his lap, his arms tightly around her as she shuddered and sobbed.

The prospect of these exercises was terrifying enough, but Isaac also knew just how many people came to this course with an active or prior eating disorder. These practices could trigger PTSD as well as create fresh trauma, and so he’d never pressured anyone to do them.

‘Come along,’ Swami Vishnu said testily.

Still holding Grace, Isaac played the only trump card he currently had, other than outright mutiny. Nine years ago, he’d edited the TTC manuals and added an addendum in the kriya section.

‘If you turn to page two hundred and eighty-five of your manuals,’ he said, making sure everyone could hear him. ‘You’ll see these exercises should not be done if you’ve ever suffered from an eating disorder. If this applies to you, you may sit all of them out. If the sight of people doing the exercises is triggering, then you may leave the class.’

Jessica immediately dragged Sophia to her feet and led her out of the asana hall.

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