Page 148 of Lace 'em Up

Or it can be.

If I work at it.

And I can do that, can push away the fear of failure, of disappointment, and…

Just be me.

“Mom?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“There’s something I need to tell you about Rory and my engagement.”

She frowns, glances up at me, eyes filled with question.

A breath for courage. Then…I tell her the truth.

It’s not perfect as I reveal that Rory and I had started off fake, that I haven’t actually proposed to Rory, that it’s too soon to do so.

I hate that I’m the reason for the disappointment on my mom’s face.

Hate that I’m not perfect.

But I give her the messy and complicated truth.

And when I’m done explaining the why, she doesn’t turn on me, doesn’t do anything except draw me close, and say, “I’m sorry you felt you had to do that for me. And that you didn’t feel safe to tell me that sooner.”

A little more of that gulf in my belly is filled in.

My shoulders grow a little looser.

I can hate not being perfect—that’s normal.

But I can still be safe and imperfect with the people who love me.

Because it’s us.

Versus the world.

Forty

Rory

“What do you think of this one?” Stella asks, holding a dress up for me to inspect.

It’s been a couple of days since Mama Bang showed off her hockey skills, and we’re shopping for a gala outfit for her while King gets ready for his game tonight.

But really, we’ve been messing around, cackling over dresses that are hideous, playing dress up in the pretty ones, and only recently getting down to business.

Because we have more errands to do before we head over to the arena to watch the Eagles play.

“It’s gorgeous,” I tell her, running my fingers over the delicate lace sleeves. Because the navy bodice with the full skirt and just a sprinkling of sparkle is indeed that.

“Good,” she says with a conspiratorial smile, “because I didn’t want to make my soon-to-be, soon-to-be daughter-in-law unhappy when I try it on regardless.”

I laugh, but then a bolt of guilt slides through me.

Because this had all started as a deception.

---