Page 140 of Lace 'em Up

And I guess it is.

Acceptance that I can’t be the man she needs.

A stick. A vase. A tooth from Zeus.

Kicking.

Fuck.

“—and we called the cops,” she says. “They arrested him and Jean-Michel says he won’t be able to get out on bail this time?—”

I wasn’t here.

I wasn’t fucking here.

Not today. Not on her wedding day. Not at her house.

Three fucking strikes.

“—and Pascal’s already begun to check out the security system. He’ll beef it up and you won’t have to worry when you’re not here?—”

You’re not here. Not when I need you.

God, I had this beautiful moment, these beautiful weeks.

But it’s still the same shit.

I’m not enough to make this work.

“—but we can meet with the security company and the detective, make sure you feel comfortable?—”

That snaps me out of it.

“Make me feel comfortable?”

“I—” Brows drawn together, her mouth opens and closes. “I’m sorry?”

“You were assaulted again,” I grind out. “And you’re worried about whether or not I’m fucking comfortable?”

“I know this is a big trigger for you, honey,” she says. “And I know that you have to go out of town.” She takes another step toward me. “I just want to make sure that we both do everything we can to alleviate any concerns that might crop?—”

“Stop.”

She freezes. “King?”

“Stop.”

I can’t hear my name on her tongue, can’t hear her voice, not when?—

You’re not good enough.

Rose’s is far too loud in my head.

Christ.

I’m not good enough.

And I never will be.

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