Page 90 of Unveiled

Her words are like a trance, pulling me in and convincing me that this is exactly what I need to do.

I won’t talk myself out of it. I know I won’t, because this is what I deserve. That thought plays on repeat while Ainsley watches as I reach into the cabinet under the sink and pull out the knife I had stored there, waiting for this exact moment.

She watches, in a trance as I drop the towel that was wrapped around my waist, revealing my nakedness to her. Part of me feels guilty, like I shouldn’t let her see me this way. It’s almost like I’m cheating on Ainsley, except she is Ainsley. My mind’s sick, twisted version of Ainsley, but still Ainsley. And she deserves to know that I’m taking her suffering onto myself.

We both watch in the mirror, silent except for our heavy breathing as the knife digs into my skin, carving open the A that had finally turned to a scar. Scarlet trickles down my body, sliding around my cock as the first diagonal slash is completed. I move to the next, and then connect them with a small horizontal line.

A.

With the smallest amount of pressure off my shoulders, I move on. Two horizontal lines, connecting by a long vertical line between them.

I.

The blood trickles down from both wounds, making my stomach look like it’s crying tears made from my blood. Next, I trace the two vertical lines, and connect the top of one to the bottom of the other with a diagonal cut.

N.

The next letter is harder, turning out blockier than it should, but it’s hard to make the knife curve while it’s carving into my flesh. Three horizontal lines. Two vertical lines.

S.

A single, long vertical line, met by a smaller horizontal line at the bottom is next. Blood is now dripping on the ground, but I don’t stop.

L.

One long, vertical line. A horizontal line at the top, and a matching one at the bottom. A smaller horizontal line right in the middle.

E.

Last but not least. A vertical line, with two diagonal lines coming from the top.

Y.

Ainsley and I stare into the mirror as the knife drops from my hand, falling into the sink and splashing droplets of my blood on the counter.

“You deserved that,” she whispers at me. There’s no malicious tone to her voice, no intent to hurt me. She’s just speaking the truth.

“I deserved that,” I repeat.

“If you save me, I’m going to leave you again, and you won’t follow me this time. You failed me, and that’s unforgivable,” she states, jutting out her chin to prove her point. My head hangs down between my shoulders, unable to meet her eyes anymore.

“I’m so sorry, little one. I failed you.”

“Boss!”

My head hanging low snaps up at the sound of the deep voice, followed by heavy breathing that’s getting closer to me. I don’t have enough time to react before Jonah bursts into the bathroom, pausing as his eyes fall on my nakedness and the blood dripping from my abdomen.

It’s not the first time Jonah has seen Ainsley’s name above my waistband, but it is the first time he’s ever seen it like this. Freshly cut with blood still dripping down my body. He clears his throat as his eyes rise to meet mine, trying to act as if he didn’t just walk in on me mutilating myself.

“Boss,” he starts again while I grab the towel, trying to cover myself before this gets awkward. “There’s a lead.”

My ears perk up at his words, and I can feel Ainsley getting closer behind me. She can’t believe it either, but Jonah has her full attention.

“John called and said there’s a man at the compound, asking for you. He says he has information about Ainsley.”

“Please, sit,” I command, trying my best to sound cordial through my clenched teeth.

The second the words were out of Jonah’s mouth, we were gone. I didn’t bother to clean up the blood covering my skin, though I stopped long enough to remember to throw some clothes on. My skin is itchy beneath the clothing as the dried blood cakes onto my skin and flakes off, but I just remind myself that I deserve this feeling. Ainsley surely isn’t comfortable wherever she is, so why should I be?

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