Page 33 of Intertwined Souls

Instead, I open my mouth and let the truth out. The truth I thought I would suffer through alone for the rest of my life. Something deep inside me pushes me to not suffer it alone. To let him help me carry this pain.

I tell him everything. Every single word David said, how I felt, the terror when he touched me. The way I can still feel the warmth of his hand.

How I fought myself to remain quiet. To not scream at him.

Tears stream freely down my face, and when Gabriel wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me close, I don’t fight it. For once, I take comfort in him. Leaning my head against his shoulder, I keep going. I let it all out.

“I have felt that hopelessness before. It’s not the first time. But there was something different this time… It’s like he was tainting all the good memories I have of my mom. The hopelessness this time was feeling like I was failing everyone here. That I wouldn’t be able to help Cade. That my demons would win and drag me down to hell. David was winning because that hopelessness was slowly taking me over.”

I gasp out a breath, and Gabriel squeezes my shoulder, pulling me tighter against him.

“Then Cade woke up and dragged me out of it by my hair, and I was—I was ashamed. That it was so easy to let myself fall back to that place. How will I ever face Tammy or help destroy this trafficking shit if something so small knocks me back ten steps?”

Allowing my fears to rise to the surface for once in a long time, I openly sob against him as he holds me silently.

By the time my eyes dry up and I am just sniffling, the embarrassment starts setting in. Weak, Harley. You are so fucking weak. He is going to think you are pathetic.

“There is one thing that I have learned over the years about pain and trauma. Nothing tops something else. Your trauma isn’t worse than mine, and mine isn’t worse than yours. Why? Because every person’s life experiences are different. The way we feel things, the way we were raised to see the world, all of those little things factor into how your trauma will affect you.

“Maybe you’ll walk away and be able to brush it off easily and move on. Or maybe you have to let it consume you for a while before you can truly move forward.”

He sighs and presses a kiss to the top of my head before pulling away so he can look in my eyes.

“The same thing applies to yourself. You cannot compare one trauma to another. They are different. You weren’t the same person when you experienced the shit with David than when you were with Tammy. Did you actually let him win? Because I don’t see him sitting here, breathing. I see you. I didn’t see you on the floor with a bullet wound to the leg, I saw him on the floor while you were holding the gun.”

His gaze softens and I see the pain and fury behind his eyes.

“The shit he said about being your father? It’s not true. When—” he hesitates, “When everything was happening back then and your mom was at the club, she was under Killer’s rule. He got to decide everything that happened to her. David was trying to fuck with you. Killer didn’t let anyone—” He shakes his head, disgust on his face. “No one until me. I promise you that.”

He’s quiet for a moment before he continues.

“You could have never prepared yourself for the things he said to you. Never. You didn’t let it truly take you over. You fought him silently by not giving in to what you knew he wanted from you. Your screams, your pleas, your tears. You stayed silent. Do you know how hard that is? I could not have done that. I would’ve let my anger take over much too easily.

“When Cade brought you out of your head, you know what makes you different from others? Myself included?” he presses.

I shake my head, biting the inside of my cheek in an attempt to keep myself from crying again.

“You came out of your head and fought back to get you guys out of there. I can honestly tell you that when I have been in some situations where I was consumed by my demons, I didn’t come out of them to focus on the main goal and deal with it later. But you did. That is tremendous strength. That, my warrior, is your mom. She was the strongest person I knew, and now you stand right there beside her. The way you both can keep going, not only just breathing, but smiling, trusting, fighting back.

“There is nothing more powerful than a woman who has learned how to fight for herself. And that doesn’t mean you never have moments like these where you need to break. That means that in the end, you get up again. You don’t give up.”

I sniffle, wiping my nose. “Mom never had weak moments. Never. She was always so happy and brave. She never showed any fear or signs of how badly her past had affected her or the fact–the fact that I must have been a walking reminder of every bad thing that happened to her,” I whisper.

“No, Harley, I know your mom had her moments of doubt, of being terrified, of breaking down and crying for hours. But…” he hesitates, taking my hand in his and squeezing it gently. “She had to do it alone. She didn’t have anyone to help her through it. Yet she still got back up every time. Why? Because of you. And not because you were a reminder of the past.

“I can tell you that with one hundred percent certainty. It’s because you are a light in this very dark world. Even now after everything you have survived, you are still a bright light in a dark room. Someday, I hope you will see that in yourself and believe me when I tell you.”

A few tears escape as I look up at him. “She was all alone,” I murmur. He nods, and a single tear falls down his cheek. “I want revenge in any way we can have it. I want to know that I did something to make up for—I don’t even quite know, but I need to feel like I helped my mom. I need to feel like I won for myself too. I want every single person involved to suffer,” I say vehemently, staring into his dark eyes.

He nods and wraps an arm around me, holding onto me tightly. “We will destroy them all, together.”

Chapter Nine

Harley

“Harley!” Gabriel calls, walking in the door of his house where Ryker, Grayson, Cayden, and I are currently using his kitchen table as our schoolwork space.

Since we began online school, we started coming over here where it's quieter and we could use the entire table since most days we all worked together. Grayson is more like our personal tutor than anything else since he is finishing up his classes this semester. Whereas Cade, Ry, and I will be done in spring right before graduation. Which is about eight months away.

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