Page 59 of Boundaries

I chewed my lip. I knew I could confide in her, but did I want to confess to my sister that I had lost my virginity to her brother-in-law? The thought was weird in the extreme.

OK, breathe and, “I had sex with Mason last night.”

“You what!” Jenna shot out, very loudly. My eyes widened and I glanced toward the house. If Jenna ever cried out, Nixon was there in a second, in full-on protection mode. Luckily, he hadn’t heard and we remained alone.

“Sorry, what?” she said in a softer voice.

“I shagged Mason.” I wasn’t embarrassed to be sharing this news with Jenna. I was just annoyed. Still smarting from the fact that he’d upped and left without a word. And to think he’d been so cuddly in bed, spooning me for the entire night. It felt amazing to have those strong arms around me. When I’d woken up alone it had felt like there was something missing.

Suddenly Nixon popped his head around the patio doors, concern etched into his face. I didn’t give a shit that he was worried, but it pissed me off that he was clearly about to interrupt my conversation.

Jenna’s pretty nose wrinkled and she shot me a look saying, “Something’s wrong.”

“I can’t get hold of any of the boys and so I’m going to pop home. Check what’s going on. I’ll see you in a bit,” Nixon said in a raised voice so we could hear from the bottom of the garden.

It’s amazing how things came up when it was fucking tidy-up time! Annoyance continued to brew in my gut.

“Let’s talk about this later Amy. And I want to know everything,” she grinned. I’ll just bet she did.

And, as usual. I was left to tidy up the shit hole that was the aftermath of their fucking party! Jenna scurried off after Nixon like an obedient little dog.

Mattie had helped by collecting about three glasses and putting them in the sink before saying he was going to Alex’s. His mother was deteriorating and I made a note to myself to send him a text to say I was thinking about him.

Chrissy came back from her friend Daniella’s and went straight upstairs to bed. She was a typical teenager and slept half the day during the holidays.

After sorting the carnage and putting the house straight, I so needed that night out.

I checked my phone several times but still nothing from Mason. Had he used me?

I didn’t see Jenna later that evening either and the house was dead, so I texted her to ask her about the following night, and whether she wanted to come into the city.

Her reply… nothing. I didn’t even get the two ticks to say she’d read my message.

After spending the afternoon in the darkroom, experimenting with some old photos, I went to bed that evening, feeling like the walking dead. Mean thoughts about boys entered my dreams and I welcomed them with open arms.

*****

In the morning, I toyed with texting Mason but what the hell would I say, ‘Had a great night on Saturday’? I hated the radio silence. He’d taken my virginity and then left without a word. He’d made me feel cheap and used, turned something amazing into what now felt like a one-night stand gone wrong. Again. Or was this the normal way boys treated girls when they’d had sex with them? Was I being too needy?

Maybe he’d just wanted a shag and it hadn’t meant as much to him as it had to me? Or I wasn’t the sister he wanted. I knew I was second best to Jenna, maybe Mason thought that too and I was better than nothing? He’d certainly never have the chance with Nixon in the way.

I shook off the painful thought, annoyed at myself for even going there. When had I become so paranoid and pathetic? And why was I so focused on Mason? He was a boy, and one I really fancied but he wasn’t the be-all and end-all of life. I needed to take a serious chill pill. Focus on other stuff. My photography for starters. Maybe I should enrol in one of the courses in London and follow my dreams? I’d been so focused on Jenna and her life that I’d completely disregarded my own. What did I want out of life, what path should I follow? Not one that was totally McKenna focused that’s for sure.

Jenna eventually replied and declined student night in Norwich. She must have stopped at Nixon’s last night. The nightmare that was her husband must have caught wind that I had invited her to come out with us. There was suddenly some type of drama he had to deal with and Jenna had gone to support him. Whatever! He was so manipulative, I would never let anyone do that to me, no matter how conniving they were.

Whilst I was getting ready, I kept glancing at my bed, the memory of what had happened there still fresh in my head. My bed still held his scent and it was so delicious that I hadn’t wanted to change the sheets. I was like a sad little girl struggling with her first crush when all it had been to Mason was a quick (although not that quick) shag.

Later that night, I decided to wear a denim skirt and a black strappy cropped top that showed my flat stomach off. I added heeled sandals and my union jack clutch bag.

I checked my phone for messages, but there was still nothing from Mason. I hated the fact that I was so desperate to hear from him. I felt like a proper loser and I had never chased a boy, ever. I didn’t need to, when I was out, I had to fight them off. When Jenna wasn’t there anyway.

Pushing my phone into the pocket of my skirt, there was a knock on my bedroom door and I paced over to open it.

Chrissy stood there, looking cute in tight jeans and a gold belly top. She wore more make-up than necessary, not as extreme as a Geisha but borderline transsexual. I’d told her about it before but she totally ignored me. She was at that age when you didn’t really know how to do your make-up and trying to teach her had become a headache for me. I lost patience fast; it was another one of my bad points.

“Nice skirt,” she complimented before adding, “Isn’t that mine?”

I grinned, here we go again.

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