Page 66 of A Forever Kind of Rancher

And that moment felt endless. And over all too quickly.

And when she shattered again, he lost his own control.

He growled, letting go. Of everything. Absolutely everything.

And it felt like a loss when it was done.

And all she’d asked him was what he wanted.

But it had broken something inside of him.

“I love you.”

And that was it. That was the beginning of the end.

Because this bright, white light tried to ignite in his chest and it was the one thing he could never accept. Not ever.

“Wendy...”

“No,” she said. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t argue with me. Don’t disagree with me. Don’t make this harder than it has to be. You don’t need to answer me right now, you don’t. We can take our time. I’m sorry, I’m jumping ahead. But I don’t know how else to let you know that I don’t want to have a time limit on this.”

“But everything has a time limit,” he said. “Nothing lasts forever. It’s better this way. If we can just decide on an endpoint and—”

“It’s been sixteen years. It’s been sixteen years and I want you more today than I ever have. It has been sixteen years since you walked into that bar right after I married my husband and ruined my life, Boone. You ruined me. I have not wanted another man since. I haven’t even entertained the idea.”

“Except the man you were married to.”

“That’s different. It should have gone away, and it would’ve gone away. With time. You know, with the fact that I had children with somebody else. That I was supposed to love him and honor and cherish him for the rest of our lives.”

“The only reason you didn’t is because of him.”

“I know that. I know that. You don’t need to tell me why my marriage ended. You don’t need to tell me what happened. I am well aware.”

“I’m just saying, you were with somebody else and now you’re not. And I’m an itch.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t cheapen what we have. If you have to run away from this, then at least take it like a man. Don’t belittle what we have. It’s not fair. I deserve more than that, and so do you. Just be honest. Be honest about the fact that you can’t cope, or that something’s holding you back, or that you just don’t feel the same as I do, but don’t make it about me. I spent my whole life afraid, Boone. I’m just tired of it. I’m done. I don’t want to leave a legacy of fear for my daughters. I don’t want to be small and reduced because of something somebody else did to me. I want to live. I want to live, and I really, preferably would like to live with you. Yes, I came into this thinking there was no way it could be more now. How could it be? How could it be when you and I both know what a stupid idea it is to jump into a relationship at this point in my life? But I actually think it was stupid for us not to be together the whole time. Or maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it had to be this. Maybe this is our timing. Whether it makes sense or not, maybe this is what’s right for us. We didn’t get here by betraying anybody, or by hurting anybody. We got here because it was where the road led us, and maybe that’s okay. Maybe it’s enough. Maybe that’s what fate is. And now we have to grab hold of it.”

“I love you,” he said. “I do. I have. But it can’t look the way that you want it to. It just can’t. I’m not the right man to be in your daughters’ lives. I don’t want the responsibility. I have too much already, you know that. Because the thing is, I could never be Daniel. I could never go halfway. I can never mess up like that. I—”

“No. That’s a lie, Boone. I know you. You can’t love me and want to walk away.”

“But I do. Because there isn’t another choice. Not for me.”

“Why?”

“Because everything ends. Everything. I can’t live that way. If you’re out there, and I love you, that doesn’t end. But if you’re here, if you’re with me...you have to be realistic about these things.”

She nodded. Slowly.

“I get it. Because I know what it is to be afraid. You’re afraid. And you have every right to be. Life is crazy. And hard. You never know what’s coming. But you can cling to what you want. You can fight for it. It doesn’t have to be...” Suddenly something in her softened, even as she broke. “It’s easier to want what other people want. To try and do it for them, because if you want something then you’re the one that’s going to get hurt. If you want me and you can’t have me, you can love me but... You don’t want me to love you. Because that’s what you can’t trust.”

“That isn’t it.”

“It is. You don’t trust me. You don’t trust the world. Because it took a lot from you. You trusted your brother, and he left you. You were just a kid, and your sister died. Of course you don’t trust in things to last. Of course you don’t trust in people not to leave. Boone, I married a man because I felt passion for the first time, and then I was pregnant. And I didn’t want to be alone. I entered my first relationship out of fear. Now I’m not afraid. And I’m not afraid to be alone.”

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