Page 50 of A Forever Kind of Rancher

She had it in spades, even while she had something less than joy, and that might be one of the greatest tricks in life.

To be able to feel this immense pure joy while in the middle of such a massive shift. While in the middle of questioning everything she knew about herself and her life, and where she was headed.

“How was school?” she asked, once Sadie was buckled in and Mikey had finished a monologue about art class.

“Great,” said Sadie.

Which was what Sadie would say no matter what.

“What was especially great?”

“Oh nothing.” She sounded vacant, and guilt made Wendy’s heart squeeze.

Had there been something going on at school that she’d missed while she was busy being consumed by thoughts of torrid sex?

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Mom.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Well, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Talking will make you feel better,” Mikey said from the back.

“Shut up, Mikey, I’m not you!”

“Okay, that’s enough. You don’t need to tell Mikey to shut up. She’s trying to be nice.”

“She’s being pushy, you both are. If Dad were here, he would know not to push me.”

Because your dad doesn’t care as much as I do.

Wow. Thank God she’d managed to hold back those words, because that wasn’t fair at all. Daniel had been a dick to her, but when he was home, he was a good dad. The girls were mad at him right now, but they wouldn’t always be.

Well, Mikey always would be a little. She had a pure soul that was rooted in honesty, and in some ways, Wendy thought her daughter was a little too like her. Like she wanted maybe a little bit too much from a world that was never going to give it. That made her unforgiving and rigid sometimes, and also made her say things to her grumpy older sister like talking will make you feel better, because she only ever said what she believed.

Sadie, though, would forgive him. Because Sadie wanted things not to hurt so much, and forgiving her dad would make that relationship hurt less.

Wendy needed her girls to be able to forgive him.

She needed to keep some of the spite to herself.

You have Boone for your spite.

Well, that was almost a worse thought. Boone wasn’t her human crutch, and he sure as hell wasn’t there to just listen to her endlessly complain about her marriage.

He would say he was happy to do that, she knew.

Because that was Boone entirely.

What did his feelings matter?

What did his desires matter?

She thought of him ordering her down onto her knees. With a cushion firmly in place for her comfort.

She turned her car down the driveway to the ranch, and had the sudden image of one of her first dates with Daniel, at a pizza parlor that had pinball machines. She’d watched him play for a couple of hours, and she’d thought then that she was so dizzy with her infatuation for him she might as well be one of the balls in the machine.

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