Page 49 of A Forever Kind of Rancher

“What I want has been trivial for years. No one asked me if I wanted to lose a sister. No one asked if I wanted my brother to go through what he did. And most of all, since the moment I met you, Wendy, what I wanted hasn’t meant a damned thing.”

She looked down and then back up, a sheen of tears glimmering there, and he hated that he’d put them there. And he loved it.

Because it mattered, this thing between them. It mattered now and it always would.

“I don’t like that, Boone.”

“You know it’s true. We had to do the right thing.”

“We did the right thing,” she said. She scooted closer to him and put her hand on his shoulder, then leaned in, her breast pressing against him. “And this is our reward.”

She felt hollow and sad after her exchange with Boone earlier.

This is our reward.

Was it? Was this all?

Was this it?

This furtive, intense sex that was trying to compensate for all their years of pent-up desire? Maybe that was all. Boone wasn’t offering more. But Boone was also...

He was stoic and strong. He was commanding and he was so damned good.

All things that were beginning to indicate to her he was a champion martyr.

What I want is trivial.

He claimed he didn’t blame himself for Buck leaving, but he clearly did. He seemed to almost relish things being hard.

He was good at being uncomfortable.

She would have said a bull rider had to be, but in the grand scheme of things, she didn’t think Daniel did discomfort. Ever.

Eight seconds of physical pain, and then alcohol to numb the aftereffects. Sex when he wanted it with who he wanted it with, while his wife kept house and peace at home.

Not Boone.

He rode bulls, not because he wanted to—though he claimed he’d found passion for it—but because he was fulfilling the destiny of his older brother, who was gone now.

He took care of his parents and worked to fill a space his dad wanted him in because he felt like he had to. Because of their losses, she assumed. It had started with his sister, that much was clear.

Even wanting her was an extension of just how happy Boone was to sit in discomfort.

He seemed happy enough to indulge with her, but there was a ticking clock on that indulgence. Wendy was starting to feel wounded by that. Crushed by it.

She was starting to question it.

Boone seemed to have made his peace with the pain in life.

She wondered if he had any idea how to have joy.

Do you?

Ouch.

That was a dark question from her psyche she didn’t really care to answer.

But then she picked the girls up from school and she knew the answer was a definitive yes. She knew how to have joy.

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