Page 48 of A Forever Kind of Rancher

“What is that?”

“Does anyone take care of you?”

“What?”

“Your brother left, and you made it sound like you got a lot of responsibility afterward?”

“Not a lot. It’s just there were a lot of assumptions about Buck’s place in the family. A lot of pressure for him to be great at riding in the rodeo, to help my dad with the ranch. He was the oldest, and then I became the de facto oldest. I had to pick up where he left off. But I already had my own place in the family, and nobody stepped in to fill that. So it was just a matter of doing a little bit of double duty. But I don’t resent it.”

“You’re lying. You do resent it a little.”

“Okay. Maybe. But like anything else, what difference does it make if I do or don’t? It is what it is.”

“Maybe. But if you admit your resentment, it might inspire you to figure out how to live your life a little bit differently, don’t you think?”

“There is no different for me.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t deserve to be upset about Buck,” he said, his voice hard.

“Why not?”

“Because I’m the reason he left.”

Her eyes went round. “You...you’re the reason?”

“I didn’t mean to be. But he was...he was a mess after the accident. Not physically. Mentally. It reminded me too much of other grief. Other times. The thing is, I know life is hard. But you have to be...you have to be realistic. You can’t sit around hoping for things to be different, you have to deal with what’s in front of you.”

“And that’s what you told him.”

He nodded once. “Yes. It’s what I told him. And the next day he was gone.”

“Boone...”

“I don’t deserve your sympathy, it’s misplaced. But I don’t feel guilty either. Buck was imploding, and he was going to do what he was going to do. I nudged him, I guess, with some harsh truth. But like I said, I don’t wallow. I just deal.”

She was silent for a moment. “Except for you dealing means...not even planning your future? Not wanting anything?”

“It’s not quite like that. But I take things as they come, knowing there are certain expectations and I’m going to fulfill them.”

“You’re just going to ride bulls forever?”

“No. I’m retiring.”

“Oh. Well. That feels like big news, Boone.”

“I’ll probably end up being the commissioner. After my dad retires. That’s part of the deal. That was kind of supposed to be Buck’s thing, but now it’s not going to be. Because he’s not around.”

“What do you want?”

“I’m kind of uninterested in that bit of trivia. I don’t care what I want. What I want doesn’t really matter. What I want is secondary to what’s going to happen. For my family.”

“What you want isn’t trivial.”

He wasn’t in the business of being self-indulgent, and there were limits to how deep he wanted to get into a conversation like this. But it was hard to hold back with her, so he didn’t.

Because they were here, and she was beside him, naked and soft and the epitome of every desire he’d ever had.

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