Page 115 of A Forever Kind of Rancher

“Because it didn’t make me happy. None of it did. This whole...living inoffensively and just working so that I would succeed and be good...it didn’t make me happy at all. I’d forgotten what happy felt like, if I ever knew...and then...you made me want more, Zack. You made me feel more. Even when...you made me leave I felt more, deeper, in that moment than I ever had. Even the pain was better than the okay.”

“I don’t think I deserve that, either,” he said.

“Sure, maybe not. But it’s not about deserving. It’s just about love. Whether you’re worthy of it or not, whether I’m worthy of it... I love you. You changed me. It’s the most amazing thing, Zack. And I just wish... I wish I could have done the same for you. I wish like hell I could have set you free,” she said, her chest heaving on a sob, “because you did it for me.”

“Grace,” he said, his voice rough, “I need to show you something.”

He held his hand out and she took it, lacing her fingers through his. The rush of heat and relief that filled her was so intense her knees nearly buckled. She held onto him tight, savored the feel of his skin against hers.

It was like being home.

They walked into the next room, where people were congregating around the newest piece.

“That’s the one,” she said. “The one from the studio that you hated.”

“I didn’t know what it was supposed to be.”

The figure was standing straight. But his hand wasn’t empty now. There was a heart there. Glossy and red, the only real color she’d ever seen in his work before.

“Perfect for the Broken Hearts Foundation, I guess,” he said, his voice rough.

She tuned to look at him. “It wasn’t just because of that, was it?”

He shook his head. “I sort of had an epiphany or some kind of BS like that.”

She laughed. “You really hate this feelings stuff, don’t you?”

“I really flippin’ do.”

“It’s okay. Tell me your epiphany and we’ll never speak of it again.” She leaned into him, tightening her hold on him.

“I didn’t think I had a heart left, Grace. I thought it was broken into pieces so small...that it was dust. And then you got in my taxi, and in my bed, and under my skin, and it turns out I have all those damn feelings that I was so much happier living without.”

“You were happier without them? And you had feelings?”

“I wasn’t really happier. It’s like you said...it was nothing, and it was comfortable. Because it was better than pain and risk and all that other stuff I just...didn’t want to deal with. And hell yeah, I have feelings for you.” He turned to face her, his eyes blazing. “I have a lot of fucking feelings for you.”

“You’re a poet, Zack,” she said, a tear running down her cheek.

“No, just an artist. Just a guy. And I love you, Grace. That’s really scary to me. Because figuring out I still had a heart to break was one thing, but deciding that I wanted to love something again? I’m shaking.”

“It’s scary, even for me,” she said, her throat tightening, her heart racing. “I can’t imagine how it is for you.”

“I realized something.”

“What’s that?”

“That working with glass sucks. And I burned myself.”

She laughed and leaned against his shoulder. “Okay, anything else?”

“Yes. I have a choice I have to make. Loving someone when they’re gone is one of the most painful things I can even imagine. It’s something I live with every day, and even though the sharpness of it has faded, and will keep fading, it will never go away.”

“I understand that,” she said. “I would never expect it to. I would never ask you to dishonor your past that way.”

“I know,” he said. “But the biggest thing I realized was this. I didn’t have a choice when I lost Tally. I can’t change my thinking, be braver, be different, and have her back. But I chose to lose you, Grace. I chose fear over you and that...that’s stupid. Because this is the other thing...”

“You’re filled with revelations.”

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