Page 119 of My Temptation

It was my turn to swallow hard. I had a choice, and unfortunately, my pride was still getting in my way. “It doesn’t matter now, Ethan.”

He took a step closer. “Tell me.”

“Why does it matter what it was for me?” I argued. “We both made our decisions, and neither of us is willing to bend.”

He took a few more steps until he stood in front of me. He slid his hand around the side of my neck, and my breath caught. God, I missed him. I missed talking to him, missed laughing with him, missed his hands on me, but more than anything, I missed how he made me feel. He leaned down until his mouth hovered above mine. “I need the words. I need to be able to move on. I need to know that we didn’t throw away the best thing that may have ever happened to us.”

Fear like I’d never felt ripped through my chest. It was almost suffocating in its strength, and I had no idea if it was the fear of losing him or admitting that I loved him.

Because I did love him.

Of course I loved him.

But it was too painful.

I knew before I opened my mouth that I would do what I always did to protect myself from this kind of pain.

Lie.

“It was a fling,” I said quietly.

He nodded and dropped his hand before taking a few steps back. He didn’t say more; he didn’t need to. I’d officially ended what never really began. He turned toward the door, hesitating for only a moment before he walked to it and grabbed the handle. My fears wouldn’t let me stop him from turning that knob and pulling open the door. They wouldn’t let me call out to him that I loved him too and that this was all a misunderstanding. That I wanted to do better for him, but I didn’t know how to let go of everything I’d done for so long to protect myself from the pain and embarrassment and ridicule that I endured for no other reason than who I was.

I stared at the closed door, accepting that I was a fraud. I kept telling myself I was doing better and learning to embrace who I was, but that was a lie. I wasn’t doing better. This proved that. I carried all the fears and doubts I had working under my father to Elite, and I put up my walls so no one could really know who I was or what I thought. I wasn’t letting them in because I didn’t trust them.

I didn’t trust anyone.

Except Ethan.

I shared more about myself with him than anyone else.

But at some point, I once again let my pride and fear of judgment overrule my heart. Jax’s words echoed through my mind, “You’re worth a hell of a lot, and it’s a fucking shame that your father convinced you otherwise.”

He convinced me of that and so much more. I could understand why Ethan didn’t know if it was real for me. I was damn good at playing the part I’d played for years. It was so easy to fall back into those patterns of secrets and distrust as soon as I was scared that I didn’t even recognize I was. In doing that, I asked something of the one person I loved that he could never do. He could never pretend he didn’t love someone because when Ethan loved, he loved them with his entire self. I’d seen that in the way he was with his sister and his niece. If I hadn’t been so blinded by my fear, I would’ve seen how much he hated the idea just by his reaction alone.

I was wrong.

Probably about a lot of things, but definitely about the choices I’d been making.

I wanted to be the person I’d convinced myself I was becoming.

For myself but even more for the people I loved.

With an energy I hadn’t felt in weeks, I ran to the door. Maybe I could catch him, but if not, I knew where to find him. Flinging open the door, I stopped in my tracks when I saw him standing on the other side, hands braced on the doorframe above him, looking exactly like I felt.

Lost.

“I can’t seem to leave.”

“Thank god.” I wrapped my hands around his neck and laid my lips against his, kissing him quickly before pulling back. “I lied to you just now. This was never a fling for me.” His expression grew serious, and he dropped his arms. “I’m in love with you too, and I’m sorry I asked you to pretend that love wasn’t worth standing up for.”

He wrapped his hands around my hips. “You mean that?”

Sliding my hands down to lay against his chest, I sighed. “I do.”

Pushing me backward, he crushed his lips to mine. I heard the door slam seconds before I opened my mouth and moaned when he deepened the kiss. He turned us so he could press me against the door and lifted my leg to rest against his hip. This would be hard and fast, and that was exactly what I wanted. I needed to feel him to believe this was real, and I wasn’t only dreaming he’d shown up at my door like I’d been hoping he would. Grabbing the waistband of his shorts, I started to yank them down, but then he turned us and walked me backward. The back of my legs hit the couch cushions, and we both fell. Landing hard, he caught himself with his hand so he didn’t land on top of me. He shoved my dress up and tore my panties to the side before sliding his fingers through my slit.

“Ethan.” I panted against his lips when he rolled his thumb over my clit.

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