Page 40 of Offside Devil

Girlfriend. I’m Zane’s girlfriend.

It’s not real, but that doesn’t stop my heart from breaking into a full-on gallop.

My panic is interrupted when a woman our age strolls up to the table, paper and pen in hand. She winks at Zane. “My name is Alicia. I’ll be your waitress today. What can I get you started with, sweetheart?”

Zane orders silly face pancakes and chocolate milk for Aiden and chicken fried steak for himself.

“You have great taste,” Alicia says in a half-moan. “That’s my favorite thing on the menu. It’s huge, so I can never finish it, but for a big man like you? It’ll be perfect.”

“A big man like you”? Is she for real?

Based on the sparkle in her eyes and the way she’s all but licking her pink-painted lips, I think she’s very serious.

I clear my throat. “I’ll have the veggie omelet and a side of pancakes.”

The waitress nods, barely looking in my direction. She leans further than necessary across the table to gather up the menus, her hand lingering near where Zane’s is resting on the table.

He’s not really my boyfriend, but that doesn’t stop jealousy from splashing up the walls of my chest like acid. Is this what his life is like all the time? Women throwing themselves at him?

“Okay.” Zane clasps his hands together as soon as the waitress is gone and stoops across the booth towards me. He’s so tall that he’s almost halfway across the table and I have the insane thought that it wouldn’t take much more to be within kissing distance. “Do you have any family?”

“What?”

“Family,” he explains slowly. “The humans related to you by blood, birth, or legal proceeding. Do you have any?”

I shake my head. “What are you doing?”

“Some people would call it ‘getting to know each other.’ I call it ‘rapid-fire questions so CPS doesn’t find out we’re lying.’ It only works if you cooperate.” He snaps his fingers. “Answer the question.”

“Pass.”

His brows pinch together. “Shitty childhood, then?”

I swipe the question out of the air. “Pass.”

“Am I supposed to pretend you just sprang fully formed from the earth like an orc, or what?”

“You like Lord of the Rings. That’s good to know.”

“Daniel made me watch all of the movies with him when he was in the hospital.” He lowers his chin and jabs a finger at me. “You’re uncomfortable talking about yourself. That’s also good to know. Annoying, though.”

I cross my arms over my chest. “We don’t need to get to know each other; we just need to fool the government. If you need some in-depth backstory for me, feel free to write one up. I’ll memorize it.”

“A lie is always more believable when there’s a kernel of truth. I need to know something that’s real.” He checks to make sure Aiden is involved in his coloring before he drops his voice. “Knowing there’s a tattoo of a bird on your right hip doesn’t count.”

My mouth flops open. I might as well be sitting here stark naked because I feel exposed. I wrap my hands around my mug and take a scalding sip. “I don’t think they’re going to quiz us on each other’s freckles.”

“If they do, I’ve got you beat.”

“Are you planning to balance the scales? I showed you mine. Only seems fair that you show me yours.” I mean it to come out snarky, but as soon as the words are out of my mouth, I realize it’s an invitation.

Show me your sculpted body, Zane. Let’s get naked.

“Is that what it takes to get you to share something about yourself? Do you need a reward?”

Eject. Retreat. Emergency brakes and abandon ship.

“I don’t need anything. Like I said, make something up. I’m a good actress. It’ll be like… like improv.”

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