Page 17 of To Steal the Sun

Gwen’s insides froze, her breath stuttering. She had been right. Her mother didn’t mean to forgive her flight. She was going to punish her. She was going to lock her in the dark. She was going to—

“Come with me,” the queen said commandingly, sweeping toward the doors of the throne room.

Gwen trailed obediently behind, her brain still circling around the key and her coming imprisonment. Was the queen leading her somewhere even smaller than the closet where she had spent the days after Easton’s disappearance? Would she be confined for an even longer time?

Gwen reminded herself to breathe, only for her head to grow dizzy. She had made the opposite mistake and was breathing much too fast. She would lose her sanity inside whatever tiny hole her mother intended to imprison her in. This time Easton would come for her, but it would be too late. The Gwen he knew would have dissolved.

Her mother stopped in front of a door, and Gwen’s brows lowered. It looked…familiar? Her panicked brain took a moment to comprehend what she was seeing. They stood in front of her own room.

“This is…” She didn’t finish the sentence before her mother used the key to open the door and then stood aside and gestured for her to enter.

Gwen walked inside without conscious thought, the familiar environment flooding her with relief and reassurance.

“There are matters I must attend to,” Queen Celandine said from the doorway with her previous calm indifference. “I’m sure you’ll understand why I would like you to await me here.” She paused. “You might like to know that the lock has been changed. This is now the only key.”

Gwen nodded, still riding high on relief. She was only being confined to her room—her room that had windows and light and more than enough space to move. Her room that had a comfortable bed. She could have thrown her arms around her mother’s neck and hugged her.

With a small smile, the queen withdrew, leaving her daughter to stagger over to the window seat, still reeling as the key turned in the lock. The familiarity of the view calmed her, and for a long moment she sat there, absorbing the sunlight that streamed through the glass and enjoying its warmth.

She was safe after all. Her mother hadn’t shut her inside the closet. She had only—

Locked her in her room.

Gwen frowned. Her mother had sent Gwen to her room as if she was a rebellious child. She had even locked her in. And Gwen had been thanking her! She had been grateful to her!

A slow tide of fury rose inside Gwen, moving slowly like creeping lava but burning just as hot. The queen had manipulated her. She knew of Gwen’s fears, and she had showed her the key purposely to make her think she was being punished. And then she had delivered her to her room instead. If her fear hadn’t been overpowering Gwen’s mind, she would have been incensed to be locked in her room. Instead, she was relieved and grateful. She had been grateful to her mother! She had even thought of her as her mother again.

Gwen shivered. Celandine wasn’t overlooking her rebellion, but her methods were subtle, not overt. She was manipulating Gwen as easily as she had always done, tearing her down and then reassuring her in just the right balance. And Gwen had fallen straight back into her old patterns, just like she had feared she would.

She paced up and down the room, storming and raging silently to herself. She had to be more aware. She couldn’t let herself be sucked into her old thought patterns just because she had returned to a familiar environment.

As the hours dragged on and exhaustion set in, Gwen realized her mistake. She had thought her old mask would serve her best, so she had gone along with her mother’s pretense of amity between them. But in their old roles, the queen had all the advantages. Gwen was in the process of making herself into a new person, but the familiar environment made it too hard to resist the strength of her old habits. She couldn’t stand in the same rooms and interact with her mother in the same way as before and trust that her self-control and determination were enough to carry her through. If Gwen was going to emerge from the palace intact, she had to break free from the rhythms of her past. She had to confront her mother.

The decision to let go of her protective mask felt so momentous that Gwen expected her mother to arrive at her door the moment she reached her conclusion. When the hours dragged on without any sign of the queen, however, Gwen began to grow concerned.

How long was the queen planning to keep her confined? If she intended to lock her up until the moment of the wedding ceremony, Gwen wasn’t going to be much use to the rebels’ cause.

A key in the lock made her jump to her feet. But the person who emerged through the narrow opening lacked the queen’s commanding presence.

“Miriam!” Gwen flew across the room and flung her arms around the young woman.

Miriam startled, barely managing to rescue the tray she was carrying from Gwen’s affectionate attack.

“Sorry!” Gwen drew back and took the tray from her, quickly shutting the door with both of them inside.

Miriam regarded the closed door warily.

“I can’t believe she let you bring me food!” Gwen continued, not sure if she was marveling more at the food itself or the choice of delivery person. “She really doesn’t suspect any of you, then?”

Miriam hesitated before shaking her head.

“Thank goodness.” Gwen collapsed onto the nearest chair. “I was worried. I…” She drew a breath. If she wanted to change, she had to start by taking responsibility for her part in the past. “I’m sorry for just running off and abandoning you all. You helped me, and I rushed to save only myself.”

Miriam regarded Gwen more steadily than the princess could ever remember the captive servant doing in the past. Eventually, she nodded.

“You did leave,” she said, “but now you’ve come back.”

She began unloading the dishes from the tray Gwen held, taking it back from Gwen once it was empty.

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