Page 82 of Protective Heroes

He laughed. “You’re beautiful. You look well fucked and I can’t wait until I can sink into you again. I love the smell of me on you.”

I could feel my cheeks heat with a deep blush. “I can’t imagine why,” I tease.

“I’ll have to remind you later.” His voice came out on a low growl that had heat pooling in my center in an instant.

“I will hold you to that.” I rubbed my cheek against his hard chest and realized I missed our easy going banter. I never really had someone to wake up with and talk about my day with and make plans with. “And to think I didn’t want to come to Hartwood.”

“Because of me?”

I nodded. “Yes,” I admitted. “I didn’t look forward to coming face-to-face with you, but also the place where I lost my dad. But I shouldn’t have been afraid and I really should have checked in more often. I should have come back home. I guess I was running away from the pain of everything.” I paused. “That’s a lot of shouldas, huh?”

“Yeah, but understandable. I hurt you. Your mother hurt you. Your dad died. So you left.”

I brush strands of his hair from his forehead. “I think it’s time for a change. Now that you are out of the military there’s not anything keeping us apart and I don’t have to worry about you getting shot at or dying out at sea. All I have to worry about if you being home in time for dinner from harmless finishing trips,” I tease. But the more I thought about it, the less messy this new path of mine felt. Looking at all the pieces of my life, it seemed like everything was finally falling into place.

Trevor froze, the smile falling from his face. For the first time in days, I saw that blank look return to his face. The one he had for a few minutes in the lodge dining room when he thought for a second that the wedding I was planning was my own.

“What’s wrong?” I reached up to smooth a hand over his cheek, but he pulled away. I allowed my hand to fall to his chest.

“Kami.” His voice was so serious, like the voice my aunt used when she told me my dad passed away. Nothing good could be coming. “Kami, I’m not completely out of the military. Or the business of danger, is what I mean. I’m screwing this up. Look, a couple of friends of mine have invited me to join a private security company. I got the invite a couple of weeks ago. The whole tourist guide thing is seasonal, maybe even temporary if I am a good fit with the team.”

Shock froze me in place. I tried to wrap my head around what he’d just said.

“Oh, I see. I didn’t know”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

“Why should you be.” I wave his worries away. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“This doesn’t change anything. For me anyway.” He took my face in his hands and turned me to face him. “You are my soulmate. My fated love who has come back to me. Mine,” he said as if his word were final. “I want this with you. I have forever.”

Mine.

His last word echoed in my head and flashes of how our life could be collided with the horror of losing him. Of me dying from a broken heart like my dad.

“Will this private security company put you in danger?”

“Some, yes. I won’t be taking live rounds daily, but I will be serving as a bodyguard at times and that does come with risk.”

“I see.”

My chest tightened. That sounded messy. Very messy and details I couldn’t ignore or shove in a neat box.

A little voice deep inside me tried to tell me that love was worth fighting for. This was Trevor. The man who had been kind and gentle with me since our school days. The man who’d spent the night making love to me.

But the fear of letting someone have control over my feelings again, a man who has already hurt me so deeply locked me away from taking risks.

“We should get back. I’m sure Mrs. Morgan is waiting for us.”

The next two hours passed in a blur. The crunch of the late spring snow under our boots, the tranquility of the remote forest, the boat ride and the walk back up to the lodge barely registered. I was so locked in my own head, I couldn’t do more than give a small wave to Mrs. Morgan as I passed her in my hurry to get to my room.

Once I arrived, I locked the door and resisted the urge to move furniture in front of it. Not that Trevor had followed me. He’d left me at the dock, never saying another word as I walked away from him.

I quickly shed my clothing, leaving it in untidy piles on my way to the bathroom. I turned the taps on as hot as I could stand and stood under the water for I didn’t know how long. Only after I’d been in there awhile did I finally allow the tears of fear loose.

I am such a fucking wimp and I am so tired of myself.

Ispent the rest of the day in my room. When Mrs. Morgan knocked, I asked her if she would mind bringing up a tray because I wasn’t feeling well.

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