Page 181 of Protective Heroes

That was another thing. She couldn’t leave Dyson here by himself to find out what tonight was all about. Not to mention, she wanted answers, too.

“I can see that pretty mind of yours clocking in some overtime. Worried ‘bout what happened tonight?” Dyson walked up behind her and placed the cell down before resting his hands on her hips. She leaned back against his bare chest, causing the sheet she had wrapped around her to loosen around her breasts.

He slipped a finger between her breasts and tugged until her hard, pink nipples peeked out. Right on cue, her nipples puckered.

“Mmm…lovely.” He groaned, and she knew he was trying to ease her tension.

Always a flirt. She nodded. “Just thinking about my trip back.”

Dyson’s chest rose and fell with a deep sigh against her back. “Can I offer you another option?”

Shay turned in his warm, strong arms to face him. Streaks of moonlight poured through the ocean-facing window to cast a pale light over his features. Dimmed sconces complemented the low lighting.

Her cousin’s seaside home was decadent on a smaller scale, yet still dreamy.

Half of Dyson’s face remained in shadow, but nothing could hide the hope in his eyes. One thing was for sure. The man wore sexiness and protectiveness with a touch of broodiness like a second skin.

Wistful thoughts flitted across her mind at what it would be like to wake up to a man like Dyson every morning.

No, she corrected herself. She didn’t want any other man. She wanted him. All six feet plus of sexy muscle rounded out with a sweet heart. But she couldn’t have him. Not truly one hundred percent. Memories of the pain her mother suffered slammed on the brakes to her runaway heart, and the promise he’d made. Dyson was like her father, married to the military and when it came down to it and had to choose, he picked his country over family. Some men were just built like that.

As weak as it made her look, she wasn’t strong enough to let Dyson get close to her, and she knew Dyson wouldn’t take anything less.

“There’s that look again. The one that says I’ve lost you, only you haven’t left.” His hand came out to trace a soft line along her shoulder and arm.

“You know this can’t happen. We can’t do this.” Her voice, barely above a whisper, conveyed all the hurt crushing her chest. “I can’t let my heart continue to guide me while in my head, I know misery is only a matter of when and not if.”

His hand stilled against her arm. Sliding out of his touch, she leaned forward on the kitchen counter, tracing her fingers along the rough edges of a freshly picked pineapple her cousin favored.

“You’re counting me out before you even give me a chance? Why? Where do you think I’m going, Shay?”

“That’s just it, Dyson.” Fear knotted in her stomach. She’d never admitted this to anyone before. “I don’t know when you’re going, coming, or if you’ll ever come back. If an us were even possible, I couldn’t live on the edge of not knowing all the time.”

“Shay, baby, how can you survive like that? Never letting the people that love you close enough to touch your heart?”

“It’s all I know, Dyson,” she said gently, afraid if she said it too loud fate or the Universe would hear and use it against her.

Dyson didn’t seem to have that problem.

He frowned at that, his eyes glittering with sudden irritation. “You mean it’s all your mother taught you.” He turned her around with a gentle hand. Truth blazed down at her when their gazes connected. “Don’t let someone else’s past dictate your future. That’s no way to live. Baby, I might wear a uniform, and yes, there’s no removing the fact that my job is dangerous?—”

She stiffened. “Don’t treat me like I’m naïve. Dangerous is a gross understatement, Dyson.” Her voice cracked.

With his shirt off there was no hiding the truth of her statement. “I can count three bullet holes in you, and that’s not counting the other scars. I’d say dangerous is putting it mildly.”

“Shay,” he said her name in that low voice that always affected her. She took a deep breath to steel against it. “You’re searching for something that doesn’t exist. Safety… it’s a perception. An illusion, at best, sweetheart. No one’s really safe. As a child I wasn’t safe and there’s no guarantee I’ll be safe tomorrow either.”

He moved in, bracing himself on the counter, locking her in his embrace. His warmth surrounded her and trapped her against his hard hot body. She gulped air, taking in everything he was—strength and honesty. He made loving him so hard to resist. Coming here tonight with him was the ultimate test of her resistance, and she was failing. And for all that was holy, it was becoming harder and harder to remember why that was such a bad thing.

Gazes locked, he continued in a huskier voice than before. “I could walk out of here and be hit by lightning. Safety can’t be promised in or out of the uniform. I think Bautista proved that tonight. All we did was go to a wedding.”

She rested her hands on his bare chest. His dog tags hanging between them a solitary reminder. “I don’t know how to do what you are craving from me. I always tell myself that what we have is enough. The occasional rendezvous and late-night phone calls are all I need.”

“Let me be very clear here. I’ll never be satisfied just taking you to bed. And the phone calls, well, those were my needing to hear your voice, if nothing else. Connecting with you when I can’t be here physically.” Her heart warmed a fraction more to his confession. “This friends-with-benefits shit is not what I really want. I want what’s under here.” Dyson rested a hand on her heart, nestling her cheek in the palm of his other hand. Heat gathered in her core and worked its way into a full-body flush. She couldn’t move if she wanted to. “The hot, soul-consuming lovemaking will always be there as long as I hold your heart, precious.”

His gaze never wavered as he spoke. “The uniform…” he shrugged “… it’s who I am, baby. It gave me a second chance at something when no one else cared. It defines me. Proves that while I’m not the biggest badass of ‘em all, I sure as hell walk among them. So when I lace up, and snap and pop for my CO, I do it with pride. But one thing the uniform—and this ink on my arm—doesn’t show, is the heart that beats for only you, Shay. And the baby that will one day be growing in your womb.” He placed a gentle hand over her midriff.

She looked into the depths of his eyes and saw the truth staring back at her. She’d never heard Dyson speak so much at one time, and that fact brought a smile to her face. He cared enough to lay it all on the line.

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