Page 71 of Protective Heroes

“Asshhaa,” I whined. “That’s not helpful.”

“Sorry. I just don’t see the problem.”

“The problem is that he has some sort of weird hold on me. If I give into these feelings, I’m inviting a mess into my life.”

She made an impatient clicking sound with her tongue. “First, and this is something I want you to think about, but I don’t think your mom was the horrible person you thought she was. Maybe you need to find a way to forgive her. For some reason she must have been unhappy with your dad. She loved you or she wouldn’t have fought to keep you in her life.”

She wasn’t saying anything I hadn’t already considered. Looking at things from the perspective of an adult instead of a child in the middle of a trauma, I could see that my mother wasn’t completely to blame for the way things turned out. I didn’t think she’d ever intended to leave me.

“When my dad died and I cleaned out some of his stuff, I found letters and cards my mom sent me every week since she left,” I admitted. “I didn’t read them. My dad had been all I had when she left. I think I was afraid if I read those letters, I’d get angry at my father and I wasn’t ready for that. But maybe when I get home…maybe it’s time I got to see some of the truth from both sides.”

“I think that’s a good idea. But here’s the other thing. Even if you were right about your mom. Even if she meant to leave you behind and never look back, that shouldn’t stop you from pursuing a relationship. You seem to be forgetting a few things.”

“Like what?”

“Like the fact you’re not married. You aren’t leaving a husband and child behind for some other man. You’re one hundred percent free to follow your heart. You are not your mom and this man is not your dad.”

Hope and fear tied themselves into knots in my stomach at her words. She wasn’t wrong. All of it was true. Pursuing someone who made me feel also gave that person the same potential to hurt me all over again.

But admitting that meant that I had no excuse not to leave myself vulnerable to Trevor.

“You’re forgetting something else,” Asha said.

“What’s that?”

“He’s older now. Wiser. So are you.” She paused for several long seconds.

“You’re right.”

“So there you go. You’re single, you’re not a parent, and Trevor seems to make you feel the same way today that he did in the past. I say go for it!”

I laughed. “Of course you do.”

Her words made sense. My circumstances were not the same as my mother’s. I was free to follow my heart without putting anyone at risk but myself.

“So when are you going to see him again?” Asha asked.

I pulled the phone from my ear and checked the time. “Oh my God! He’ll be here in fifteen minutes. I have to go!”

Asha’s laughter came over the line. “Go! Get ready to see your Alaskan, plaid-covered SEAL.”

“How did you know he wore plaid?”

“Easy. That’s part of the 101 mountain man how-to.”

Humor and gratitude coursed through me at her words. I was going to do this. “I’m going. Thank you, Asha. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I love you, too, no go.”

I couldn’t quite believe it. I was getting ready to spend the day with a man who made me feel completely out of control. And I liked it. I might be more nervous than I’d ever been in my life, but even that felt good. I couldn’t wait to see what the day brought with it.

Six

Kami

Sitting next to Trevor in his black SUV that looked like it had traveled more than a few back roads in its lifetime, I felt like I was back in high school all over again. Him driving, me sitting next to him as he drove me to my dad’s.

Nerves twisted my stomach in knots and kept me tongue-tied. I wracked my brain for something to talk to him about, but I couldn’t come up with a single thing. Nerves wiped my brain clean, too, I guessed.

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