Page 62 of Loving Smoke

He slammed his palm on his desk. “Don’t push me, Marisol.”

“You think you can move people around and play with them at will.”

“I’m warning you, don’t?—”

“You have no human emotions because you’re dead inside.”

“Living in a shack in Juarez with a father who beat me daily and a mother who whored out her body took care of any emotions.” My father pushed out of his chair, his eyes like cold, black stones. “Days without food, with no end in sight. I vowed I would never be hungry again and I would do anything to succeed.”

“Many of our people grew up in poverty but they didn’t resort to violence and murder.”

“And many of them are still living in squalor. I educated myself and learned how to speak English and act and sound intelligent. I clawed my way out to survive.”

“At what cost?” I couldn’t listen to him justify his actions.

“I watched how the powerful men lived their lives copying their actions and making them my own. I had my first kill at fourteen and I was proud I’d impressed my boss. Life has no meaning when you’re desperate.”

I stared at my father and realized he’d never understand or even comprehend my words. The man I idolized as a child was a fraud. A persona he’d learned to pass himself off in society. A true sociopath who was able to assimilate and blend in while his mind calculated unthinkable acts. There was no reasoning with such a person because they were beyond reproach.

“So, yes, if you are so set on knowing the truth, then I’ll tell you. Your mother like your brother was flawed. I should’ve known better than to marry such a beautiful woman, but sometimes the flesh is weak.”

“So, you admit what you did?”

“When she finally realized what my life was about she begged me to get out, but of course, that could never happen. She tried to leave me once, but I made her realize her mistake.”

“Manny told me how you had her captured and beaten. Then lied to us again saying she was on a spa retreat, when really she was recuperating from abuse you ordered.”

“You have to understand, I couldn’t let her leave. She knew too much.”

My mouth opened and closed but no words came out. There was no explanation for my father’s eerily calm rationale.

“When she realized I wouldn’t give her a divorce or let her leave she disrespected me in another way. Taking lovers, apparently, many lovers and when I found out about her latest betrayal in my own home I had to deal with it.”

My father’s words floated over me as I desperately tried to understand, but it was impossible. I suspected my mother chose to ignore the obvious but hearing it so bluntly explained left me unnerved and fragile.

“By murdering her?”

“By alleviating a dangerous enemy. If your mother could betray me that way, then she would be capable of disloyalty in other areas of my life.”

His truths left me weak and empty inside. Unable to grasp this horrific act, then terrified by the realization I came from this ruthless man.

“You can justify your actions all you want, but it doesn’t excuse them.”

“The Royal Bastards started to move in on my territory in Tijuana, and I had to stop them, so I set them up for the murder, placing me in a position of power and pitting the rest of the cartel against them by shutting down their deliveries.”

My mind flew to Smoke. My father’s admission changed everything. Revenge and retribution no longer existed for me since everything my father told me from the beginning was a lie.

“It was easy to get others on my side after I told them of the murder. Like the men who robbed the club. I hoped these impositions would run Smoke off, but they want to fight back. Which I can’t allow and have already curtailed.”

Smoke or his club weren’t responsible for my mother’s death and my father was a crazed man set on retaliation.

“Because of Smoke’s incompetence he and his VP ended up in Tijuana. Sending you in as a diversion to keep his mind elsewhere seemed like a good idea at the time—but now I see you have the same weaknesses as you mother and brother.”

“Then it works out fine because I have no intention of being involved in this sham any longer.”

“Since you’ve let your weaknesses surface, I’ll have to take matters into my own hands. I’ve decided to handle Smoke my own way.”

“What exactly does that mean?”

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