Page 44 of Blue Moon Love

He was right. It did make sense to me. But anything he said would make sense to me because I was in love with him. He wasn’t in love with me, though. I knew that. But he must be attracted to me if he was not only throwing his hat in the ring for consideration but actually demanding it be him.

Was that enough?

We were a few feet away from each other, but the energy in the space between us was crackling with intensity. I could feel his stare like a physical touch. I had no doubt that he wanted to be my first. I just wasn’t sure why. Was it so it couldn’t be anyone else? Was it a possessive thing? If that was the case, would that be a bad thing?

“But what if it changes us?” I quietly voiced my biggest fear.

“It won’t. I won’t let it.” I could see the fire of determination in his eyes, or maybe that was the fire of desire, or maybe it was both. Either way, it was very intense.

Confusion swirled in my head. I could barely breathe with him looking at me like he was, much less think. This wasn’t how I’d imagined my first time would be. I thought it would happen naturally. Not that it would be discussed beforehand, like some sort of addendum to our friendship.

“We can’t.”

“Why?” he asked.

Not able to think of any other reason to say no, I said, “We’ve never even kissed.”

I started to walk past him to go to the front door so he could see his way out, but he grabbed my wrist, spun me around, and the next thing I knew, his lips were on mine. I froze, but then he cupped my face and tilted my head back, giving him better access to me. As soon as he did, his tongue slid between my lips, and I melted against him.

The kiss was gentle but firm. It was slow, but frenzied. It was cautious, but wild. It was exploratory, yet familiar. It was everything I never knew I always wanted in a kiss.

When he finally broke our kiss, I was dizzy with lust. And I wanted more. I wanted a lot more.

He rested his forehead against mine. Both of our heavy breaths intermingled as he asked, “Any other reasons?”

Yes. I knew there were a lot of other reasons, but for the life of me, I couldn’t think of any. I couldn’t think at all, actually. All I could do was feel.

I opened my mouth to say that there were a lot of reasons, but no sound came out.

“I want it to be me.” The pad of his thumb traced along my lower lip. “It should be me. Do you want it to be me?”

Yes. Of course, I did. But what about after? What would happen after?

When I didn’t answer, his hand dropped from my face, and he took a step back. “I don’t want to talk you into doing something you don’t want to do. But if you change your mind?—”

He started to turn toward the door, and I grabbed his hand. He looked back at me, his eyes filled with hope and passion.

“It should be you.” I said, my voice shaking with nerves. “I want it to be you. It has to be you.”

I wasn’t sure what I expected his response to be, but when he didn’t say anything and just pulled me into his arms and hugged me tighter than he’d ever hugged me before, I was surprised. Once the shock wore off, I closed my eyes and leaned into his embrace, absorbing all of his strength. I needed it because my legs felt like noodles.

As he held me, I could feel his heart beat beneath my cheek. The longer I stood in his arms, the faster and louder it beat. His hands were moving up and down my back slowly, increasing the pressure of his touch with each pass. His caresses weren’t overtly sexual, but they had a very sensual effect. Just like last night, I could feel my body coming alive with arousal.

“We don’t have to do anything tonight,” he whispered against the top of my head.

“What? Why?” I lifted my chin up to meet his gaze. “You don’t want to?”

Is that why he’d hugged me instead of kissing me again? Because he was having second thoughts?

“Of course I want to, but I don’t want to rush you.”

Panic began to set in on me. I’d agreed, and now he was backing out. He must have changed his mind.

I stepped out of his embrace. “Never mind. This was a bad idea.”

His brows furrowed in confusion. “What? Why are you saying that?”

“If you don’t want to do this anymore, it’s fine. Let’s just forge?—"

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