Page 8 of Blue Moon Love

“Yes, Officer Sam, why not?” Melody Calhoun was the class teacher and also a woman I’d hooked up with off and on over the years.

Just like everyone else I’d been with, I’d never lied to her. I’d never told her I wanted anything more than casual. Some women appreciated my honesty and took me at face value; others thought they could change me. She fell into the latter category.

“I don’t think I’d be a very good husband.” It was the first time I’d ever said those words out loud.

Whenever I was asked about my fear of commitment, I usually dodged the question. But today, for some reason, I didn’t want to do that. Maybe it was because today was my birthday, and this one was hitting me differently. Or maybe it was because being around six-year-olds had worn off on me; they were all brutally honest. Or maybe it was because it had bothered me a lot more than I wanted to admit that I had no idea where Kenna had been last night in that blue dress, who she was texting when she got home at midnight, and why she hadn’t wanted to watch The Princess Bride. I’d specifically suggested that movie because it was her favorite and she would never turn down a chance to watch it, but, last night, she had.

Whatever the reason, hearing the truth come from my own lips was sadder than I’d expected it to be.

Kane finished up the presentation, and we said goodbye to the first-grade class.

“Thanks for coming. I really appreciate it, guys.” Melody smiled as she ushered us out into the hallway.

“Anytime, Ms. Turner.” I dipped my chin in a nod.

I liked Melody. She was a sweet girl who claimed she wanted the same thing as me—casual. For a while, it seemed that was true. But the last few times we’d hung out, I sensed that things had changed. Then, she texted me. We need to talk. Those four words were usually the kiss of death for anything casual. She wanted more than what I was offering and ended up giving me an ultimatum: either commit, or we had to stop seeing each other. That was a little over a year ago, and we haven’t hooked up since.

People might think I was an uncaring, callous bastard, but the truth was, the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt anyone. It was why I was always honest about the fact that I was a serial monogamist but never wanted any commitment. I promised people I wouldn’t sleep with anyone else while we were hooking up, and I had never broken that promise, but I refused to put any sort of label on the relationship. No strings. No commitments. No attachments. No expectations. Those were my golden rules. I kept them in place because I never wanted to make anyone feel like my mom had. For years, I’d watched her suffer. I’d been helpless to do anything to make her feel better, to make her happy, or to take away her pain.

I would die before I’d be the cause of that for anyone else.

As we stood in the hallway, Kane’s cell phone rang, and I saw from the way his face lit up that it was his wife. He walked down the hallway to answer it. I started to follow him when Melody touched my arm.

I turned my head and looked back at her.

“Did you mean what you said in there?”

“What?” I asked, playing dumb.

I knew exactly what she was asking.

Her brow creased, and I could see that she was genuinely concerned. “That you’d be a bad husband.”

Like I said, Melody was a sweet girl. Maybe too sweet. She was also a hopeless romantic who saw the best in everyone. I knew that when she looked at me, she saw a man capable of being things I was not. Even if I was, I couldn’t be that man for her. There was no way I could ever love her since I’d been in love with someone else since I was eight years old.

The last thing I wanted was for her to try and convince me otherwise. I was more self-aware than people gave me credit for being. And more than that, I was my father’s son. My grandfather’s grandson. My great-grandfather’s great-grandson. The Whitlock genes were clearly strong since, half the time, when I walked into a room, people looked like they saw a ghost. I was a Whitlock man, and Whitlock men had no business being married.

“Darlin’, if I said I hadn’t met the right woman, or that I wasn’t quite ready to settle down, they would have gone home and told their mamas, and the next thing I know, my DMs would be overflowing with proposals and ladies tryin’ to tame me,” I teased with a wink.

Melody grinned as she shook her head and rolled her eyes before heading back inside the classroom. I continued down the hallways of the elementary school that I’d attended and that my friends’ kids were now attending. I felt…lost. Empty. Lonely.

I’d never really given much thought to having a family. Even if it wasn’t for the bad behavior gene the Whitlock men had, I still doubted it would have been something I would have thought about doing.

My childhood hadn’t been great even before I’d lost both my parents in less than a year’s time. There was constant fighting, crying, screaming, and then making up. I would never want to subject a child to that.

Things were less chaotic once Witty moved in after Dad died, but there still wasn’t a sense of family then either. He dated. A lot. He went to casinos and was away on trips a lot. That’s not to take away from the fact that he was there for me when I had no one else. I’ll be forever grateful to him for stepping up, so I didn’t have to go into care, but I basically raised myself. Those were his words, not mine. He said that all he had to do was stock the fridge and sign report cards, and that was about it. He wasn’t wrong.

Kane was still on the phone with Ruby when we climbed into the SUV and drove back to the station. He hung up as we pulled in and glanced over at me. “Do you want to come to dinner?”

I knew why he was asking. It was my birthday. He hadn’t made a big deal out of it or mentioned it, but he didn’t want me to be alone.

“I’m gonna go over and see Witty.”

“Alright, man.”

We got out, and after finishing up some paperwork, I headed over to Sunset Acres to visit Witty. On my way, I drove past The Tipsy Cow and saw Kenna’s car in the parking lot. She was working behind the bar tonight. Part of me wanted to pull in and go say hello. Maybe ask for a free shot for my birthday, but I didn’t.

Something was going on with her. Last night wasn’t the first time she’d bailed on a movie night. For the past few months, she’d been…distant. Not anything drastic, just not as available as she usually was.

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