Page 36 of Blue Moon Love

“No, we don’t. There’s nothing to talk about. I told you the topic is closed.”

Kenna’s eyes were filled to the brim with emotions. Hurt. Anger. Betrayal. I’d seen the same exact look in my mom’s eyes more times than I could count. That look was the reason I refused to ever be in a relationship because I never wanted to make anyone feel the things I’d just made the most important person in the world to me feel.

She turned to walk away, but I reached out and grabbed her hand. There was no way I could let her walk away feeling like this. Especially not into the waiting arms of another man.

“Kenna, I’m so sorry I read your diary. I really am. I know it was wrong, and I feel like shit that I did that. I promise I will never, ever do anything to betray your trust like that again.”

“It’s fine.” She shrugged, but I could see she didn’t mean it.

“No, it’s not, and I will do everything I can to make it up to you.”

“No, really. It’s fine,” she assured me, and this time I saw that she meant it. “I know you didn’t mean to; it just fell in your lap. Literally. And to be honest, I would probably have done the same thing.” A tiny grin lifted on her lips.

“Are we okay?”

“Yes, of course, we’re okay.”

I tugged her toward me and pulled her into my arms. She was stiff as a board for a moment, but then she melted into my chest. I kissed her on the top of her head. “You know I love you, pretty girl.”

“I love you, too.”

I could hear the sadness in her words, and I wanted to kick my own ass for making her feel that way. Her phone buzzed again, and she stepped away from me. Without saying another word, she turned and headed back to the festival.

I watched her walk away, feeling empty, lonely, and scared. I was scared that our friendship was changing. That we were changing. I knew we still loved each other, that would never change. But it felt like our relationship might. That it already was.

Tonight wasn’t the first time we’d said those three little words to each other. We actually said I love you on a fairly regular basis. But it was said in the context of friendship, not romance. I’d almost told her that I was in love with her a handful of times. I’d even dreamed that I’d said it to her at the hospital, but I’d never said it to her in real life because I knew I couldn’t back it up.

And seeing how my betrayal had made her feel tonight, I knew that I’d been right. I’d never be able to live with myself if I did something that was irreparable. Something that she couldn’t and shouldn’t forgive me for. As much as I wanted to believe that would never happen, I had generations of men before me who were proof of my shortcomings.

I loved Kenna. I loved her enough to know that she deserved a hell of a lot better than me—someone like Jonah Walsh, the man who was probably going to be her first.

That thought was a sucker punch to my solar plexus, but I absorbed it and the nausea that went with it. It made me sick to think about her with someone else, but I’d rather be the one feeling like this than ever see Kenna cry because of me again.

17

KENNA

“He could charm the dew right off the honeysuckle.” ~ Archie “Witty” Whitlock

I stared up at my ceiling and watched the fan blades spinning around. Even though it was the middle of winter, I had to have a fan on to sleep—not that I was doing much sleeping. It was midnight, and I was wide awake.

Hanging out with Jonah at the tree lighting and after had been…fine. I enjoyed his company. He was attractive. I would even go so far as to say I was attracted to him, but when he leaned down to kiss me, I turned my head and gave him a hug.

A hug.

Why was I blowing this?

What was wrong with me?

Thankfully, there was going to be a fourth date, so I would have the opportunity to redeem myself. However, I couldn’t take credit for making that happen; my mom had secured it. At the end of the festival, we ran into my parents, who invited Jonah to their anniversary party, which was in two days. My mom insisted that I bring him as my date, and he graciously accepted. I should be grateful to her. She was an incredible wing woman tonight. But I didn’t know how I felt about it. My head was all over the place.

That wasn’t true. It wasn’t all over the place. It was in one place. A place it knew very well. It was with Sam.

He knew my deepest, darkest secret. Okay, that was dramatic, even for me. But he did. It was something I’d kept to myself, and now another person knew it. Not just any person. Sam knew it.

If I were taking a fearless inventory of what I’d been obsessing over, I would have to admit that I could not get the things Sam had said about me when he was trying to convince me I was “everyone’s type” out of my head. It was like a broken record playing on repeat.

“You’re smart, hilarious, cool, sweet, and fiery. You never look for a fight, but never back down when one finds you. You are loyal and caring. You love your family and friends with breathtaking intensity. And you’re hot. Insanely hot. You are the epitome of a sexy girl-next-door. Literally, in my case.”

---