Page 21 of Fighting for You

My heart drops a beat. In my short time knowing Ryder, I knew he was an ex-SEAL, but I guess I had forgotten all of the trauma and loss he had endured. However, what really had my breath faltering, was knowing that he was still placing himself in danger. Cole Security wasn’t just your average rent-a-cop security company. No, these guys protected men and women in the military and companies that were at risk for theft, burglary, or worse. Imagining Ryder placing himself in danger daily caused my emotions to swirl like a tornado inside of me.

Sensing my trepidation, Melanie places her hand on mine on the desk. “Meghan, is everything alright?” she asks softly.

“Yes, I’m fine,” I say, trying to muster a smile.

“I hope I am not being too forward here, but you are getting emotional right now,” she adds, a slight smile forming on her lips. It is a knowing smile of kindness and understanding. “I mean, I’m the pregnant hormonal one here, but I see something is bothering you,” she finishes, sighing.

She stops and watches me closely. I contemplate brushing off her question or spinning a story to get her to stop asking, but I doubt that will work. Melanie is very intuitive. I guess her dark past helped her break past her own boundaries and understand people better.

Exhaling a deep breath, I close my eyes before beginning. I can feel the tears brimming in my eyes and I feel ridiculous for getting so emotional over a man who I only recently started seeing.

“This is going to sound absurd, but I began dating someone recently,” I begin, opening my eyes and seeing Melanie watching me carefully. She nods for me to continue. “He is actually one of the men who came to the office and gala-- one of the guys we are interviewing for this article,” I add, cringing.

Melanie beams and claps her hands together. “Good for you, Meghan. It’s about time for you to start dating,” she gushes.

Melanie knows about my past with Wade and right now, she sounds more like Kirsten and Ashely than my boss.

“Well, that seems to be a common agreement,” I lightly chuckle. “Anyway, it’s Ryder. He’s great and we have really hit it off, but…”

My voice cracks as I am unable to finish my sentence. My heart is pounding as I wait for myself to calm down. This is too much for me to handle right now.

“Meghan, go on. I know this is hard, but it will do you good to share how you feel,” she says.

I swear, I should invest in a therapist so my friends and employer don’t have to continue to hear about my heartbreak and worries.

Taking a deep breath, I continue. “Knowing he works such a dangerous job really scares me. I mean, I knew that Wade being a firefighter came with risk, but I never imagined I would lose him. With Ryder, I am growing to like him. We’ve only been out once but there is this connection with him that I just can’t explain. If I were to allow myself to fall in love again and something were to happen to him…” I trail off, shaking my head as my heartthrobs.

“You wouldn’t be able to survive,” Melanie says, finishing my thought for me.

I look up in bewilderment. I don’t know how she read my mind, but she did.

“Yes,” I whisper. “I am so sorry for bringing this baggage to work. It has all taken me on a whirlwind,” I admit, shaking my head.

I tried to look the other way when it came to Ryder, but I just couldn’t. He pulled me in and I swear, it’s like his soul called to mine.

“Emotions are difficult, Meghan. You can’t pick and choose when you fall for someone. I once was afraid to fall in love again. Someone broke my heart but it took time for me to allow someone else to mend it back together. Just look at me and Cole. After everything I had gone through, I never wanted to fall in love again. But, Cole refused to give up on me and it’s a good thing he didn’t,” she laughs, patting her baby bump.

I laugh, too. Loving and losing is a loss that brings unimaginable pain and sorrow. Sometimes, it is difficult to imagine even breathing another day, but I have been really growing and doing much better. The thought of ever going back to such a dark place scared me. Could I move forward with Ryder, knowing his job presented risks? Was I capable of handling that again?

“You don’t have to have all of the answers right now,” Melanie advises. She stands and smooths out her dress. “We can review our notes tomorrow. I think you need to focus on your heart and mind today. You are an incredible employee and I trust that we will get this article completed. Talk with Ryder and share your concerns with him. He deserves to know how you feel, too. Don’t run away from love, Meghan,” she finishes, smiling one last time as she exits my office.

I sit there in silence, taking in her words. Maybe Melanie is right. I have a call to make.

Chapter 20

Ryder

“I’m going to die of boredom today,” Matt remarks, as we walk through the crates of shipments recently dropped off this evening.

I stifle a laugh as I continue to walk. Today has been nothing short of excruciating. We are trained killers, men who have fought and been wounded for our country. And now, we are walking laps by the ocean, watching ships unload cargo.

I know Lance said there is something illegal going on, but as far as I can see, nothing exciting has happened yet.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and a goofy grin appears on my face when I see Meghan’s name on my face.

Meghan: Can I see you tonight? I almost called, but then I realized you were working.

Matt laughs beside me. “Someone has a crush,” he says, sounding like a schoolboy.

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