Page 64 of The Girl and the Lies

“I’ve been following this case really closely and watching all of the news coverage of his wife’s murder. He’s being presented as this devastated widow grieving the loss of his beloved wife. And then the neighbor said that Sabrina Ward was pregnant when she was killed and how that made the whole situation so much sadder because they would have made such a beautiful family,” she says.

“Yes,” I say. “You have reason to believe that isn’t true?”

“Very much so,” she says.

“What is it?” I ask.

“I was sleeping with him. And I’m probably not the only one,” Caroline says.

“You were having an affair with Ander Ward?” I ask.

“I preferred not to call it an affair. I think of an affair as a relationship that involves feelings and a deeper connection. That’s not what was going on between us. It was sex, plain and simple. But that’s not the most important part. Ander and I met on Secret Keepers,” she says.

“What’s that?” I ask.

“It’s a website designed to help married people who are looking for something casual with other people to find each other and connect,” she says.

I take a second to let that sink in, churning over every interaction I’ve had with Ander in my head and seeing every second of it differently now.

“Ander Ward was on an adultery site?” I ask.

“Was and very likely still is.” She leans toward me. “Look, I’m a married woman. I’ve been with my husband for almost twenty years. We have two teenage children. I have a career. A big life. It isn’t like I just woke up one day and decided I was going to start cheating on my husband. Whatever you might think of me or what I’m doing, I do love him. I want to be married to him. But things just started getting extremely predictable and routine.

“Everything in our life was prescribed down to the minute, it felt like. What we ate. Where we spent our leisure time. The shows we watched in the evening together. Everything. My husband is perfectly fine with that. He likes the routine and feeling like everything is settled. We talked about it over and over, and he always said that’s just what being grown-up and married is all about. You figure out what works for you, and you stick with it.

“That just wasn’t enough for me. I needed more excitement and adventure in my life. I needed to feel that thrill of being desired. Really desired. I didn’t need more romance or affection. My husband is a very caring man who makes sure I know he loves me. He’s just not been willing to try anything new or go outside of our little rhythm that we’ve established. I never thought about starting up a relationship with anyone else. It’s not like I have flings with people at work or anything like that. But I heard about Secret Keepers, and it stuck with me. I didn’t just jump on it. It took a few months for me to even look at it and then even longer for me to make a profile. I just wanted to get back that feeling of being really alive.”

“How long after you joined did you meet Ander Ward?” I ask.

“He was one of the first connections I made. I saw his picture and thought he was really attractive, so I sent him a connection request, and he accepted it. We started talking on the site, and it all went from there,” she says. “I didn’t come to tell you this just because he was cheating on his wife. It’s more than that. The site has you fill out a questionnaire with all kinds of details about who you are, your lifestyle, what you’re looking for. That kind of thing. It just ensures you connect with other like-minded people and minimizes the chances of things going wrong.”

“And I imagine the risk of that is very high with something like that,” I say.

Caroline nods. “That’s part of the reason I was so drawn to the idea of a site specifically dedicated to married people wanting discreet, casual connections. I’ve heard plenty of horror stories of people starting affairs with people they’ve met in bars or other places online turning into obsessive stalker situations because one person ends up wanting much more than the other. I didn’t want anything to do with that.

“The site makes sure that everything is laid out clearly, so you know what you’re signing yourself up for when you make connections with people. Ander’s profile described him being bored in his marriage and feeling trapped, like he had gotten himself tangled up in a net when he was too young to recognize it and now can’t cut himself out of it. And he was extremely blunt and upfront with the fact that he does not and will not ever want children. That was actually something we talked about when we first started communicating. He said he couldn’t fathom why anyone would want children, and it was something he and his wife agreed on before they got married. They weren’t ever going to have them.”

“But he never did anything about it? He never got a vasectomy to make sure?” I ask.

“He said he wasn’t interested in getting surgery. It was too invasive, and he was worried about the potential side effects. So it was all on his wife. She had an IUD. There’s no way he’s in deep mourning for a possible baby,” she says.

I’m stunned by the revelations and feel a hot ball of anger building in my belly.

“When was the last time you met up with Ander?” I ask.

“It was several weeks ago,” she says. “We’d kind of cooled things off. It wasn’t as exciting anymore.”

“Did it end on a negative note?” I ask.

“Not at all. Again, we didn’t have feelings for each other. There was nothing deep or meaningful about what was going on between us. We liked talking to each other, met up sometimes for sex, and then it was done. It’s that simple,” she says.

“Would you be willing to show me the communication between the two of you on the site?” I ask.

“Sure,” she says. “I can pull it up on my tablet.”

It takes her a few seconds to get the site open, then she turns the screen toward me. I’m faced with a message thread between her and Ander that leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination. Within the first couple of exchanges between the two, the intention is obvious, and there’s no question as the communication continues about what is going on. Bold details about their liaisons lay bare a torrid relationship happening completely unbeknownst to the unsuspecting Sabrina Ward.

“Can you show me his profile?” I ask after getting my fill of the salacious conversation.

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