Page 14 of Rim Shot Rebound

“That’s…good?” Natalie raised her voice in a question, clearly testing Kelsey’s reaction to the news.

“No, not good.” She took a deep breath, running her thumb over the buttons on the controller still in her hand. “He wants to try again. Us.”

“Oh,” Natalie said. She processed the information, then repeated, “Oh!”

“Do not get excited here. This changes nothing.”

“What do you mean? This changes everything.”

Kelsey shook her head adamantly. “He might think it does, but not for me. It doesn’t change the past, and it doesn’t change the fact that I will never be enough for him.”

All the hookups while they were broken up—the women he dated, the men he slept with—didn’t mean anything to her. His biggest mistake with those, in her mind, was that he could have been a little more discreet about them around her. Watching him make plans to hook up with people after their gigs had been an icy knife to her heart every time.

But he’d had every right to do whatever he wanted while they weren’t together. The thing that had bothered her the most was how easy it had been for him to walk away in the first place.

“Isn’t that what he’s trying to tell you, though?” Natalie said. “That he wants to try again, that you are what he wants?”

“Sure. But that’s not enough. Not for him. And not for me.”

Natalie sighed. “I don’t get it. You two belong together. You both love each other. You want to be together.” She cut off Kelsey when she opened her mouth to object. “Yes, I know you don’t want to get hurt again. But you do love him and want to be with him. Right?”

Kelsey closed her mouth and nodded. More than anything.

No, that wasn’t true.

More than anything, she wanted to stop hurting. To feel safe and secure with someone. To feel like she was wanted.

Natalie reached beside her and handed Kelsey the grocery bag she’d brought with her. She pulled out the package of sour straws and tossed it in Kelsey’s lap. “Here, maybe some sugar will help your answer.”

Kelsey ripped open the package appreciatively. She didn’t have much of a sweet tooth, but she couldn’t resist a sour treat. Especially lately.

She froze.

Sugar. That was it.

She dropped the package in her lap and snatched her notebook. She scribbled furiously, desperate to get the thoughts down before they disappeared.

When she got everything out of her head and into the notebook, she put it down again. “Sorry. Got an idea for the first verse I was stuck on.”

Natalie nodded. “I figured it was something to do with that.” She paused. “So the songwriting is going okay? You guys working well together?”

“Yeah. On both.” Working well together had never been a problem. It also wasn’t going to be the answer to their problems.

“So where do you guys go from here?” Natalie asked. “I mean, now that he wants to try again. Maybe you should tell him?” That lift in her voice again. The hopeful tilt in pitch.

“Plan is still the same. In fact, it makes it more important that I don’t tell him.”

Natalie tilted her head in confusion. “Why? I thought you were keeping quiet because of the girlfriend and all that. I mean, I know you’re scared about what could happen, but if he’s willing to be by your side through it…”

“That’s just it,” Kelsey argued. “I know he’ll be by my side if I tell him about the pregnancy.” Him and his moral fucking code. Eric had been raised by a gigantic family of God-fearing folks. They’d found a way to blend his religious beliefs and upbringing with her personal brand of skeptically inclusive spiritualism, but from the moment she’d brought up the pregnancy last time, everything shifted into this new high gear with him. “I don’t want to be an obligation. I don’t want him with me because of the pregnancy.”

“But Kel, isn’t he telling you he wants to be with you now, even though he doesn’t know about the pregnancy?”

“Sure, he says that. But I don’t believe it. Not really. I believe he’s sincere, but I don’t know if he’s being honest with himself.” She sighed heavily. “I’m afraid it’s just his guilt talking. And that will all be muddied even more if he finds out I’m pregnant. Then I’ll never know the truth. I’ll never know if he really wants to be with me, or if he wants the whole package with a side of absolution.”

Natalie frowned, but nodded. “So what are you going to tell him? You know he isn’t just going to let this go. At least not until he gets a straight answer from you.”

She was right. Kelsey couldn’t avoid his texts and questions forever.

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