Page 39 of Bought For Us

His sigh is heavy. “Because.” He casts me another glance. “Because I would have wanted to tell you all the things I’ve felt and thought about over the years. How losing you was single handedly the worst thing to ever happen to me. But, I didn’t want to scare you off.”

I’m stunned by his words. I don’t know what to say. I know we were close and not having them both in my life has been hell. I didn’t think I meant that much to him. I was only a step-sister and a best friend to him for two years. People leave, they move on with life.

Chewing on my lower lip, my mind races on what to say. “Why did it hurt so much?” I ask, my heart thundering in my chest as I wait for his response.

“The honest truth?” he asks me, sounding a little hesitant himself.

“Yes, I’d rather hear the truth than a lie.” I answer, my voice soft.

He swallows hard. “Because, even though I knew it was wrong. That it could mess up everything, I couldn’t help it.”

“Help what?” I feel like I’m going to pass out with how fast my heart is racing.

“Falling in love with you.” He looks at me and all the air vanishes from my lungs. He looks back at the road and sighs. “I was at war with myself because I was also in love with Kimmy. But, you were my step-sister, and she was my best friend. I didn’t want to fuck things up, so I kept it to myself.

“There was a point I considered telling you. Then your father cornered me and threatened me to stay away or he would ruin my family and my life.”

“What?!” I gasp in horror, eyes widening.

“I never liked that man. And that made me hate him even more. When I found out what he did to my mom, I lost it. Years of pent-up rage and resentment towards him came out. “

I look away, out the window, with angry tears welling in my eyes. My fists clench against my thighs and I swallow down the ball of emotion clogging my throat. “I hate him.” My voice cracks. “All he ever did was use me. He never cared about me, only what I could do for him. I don’t even think he cared about the fact we were step-siblings, I think it was just some way to keep the upper hand. To control my life.”

“Now, with what I know about him and how he treated you, I think the same thing.”

He loved me. He wanted to be with me. I close my eyes and try to will myself not to cry. It’s hard, so damn hard not to break down right now.

I want to tell him I loved him too. That part of me never stopped. But I can’t. He’s married to the best woman. They’re happy and planning to start a family.

“Cora?” Zack says my name with cautionand concern.

“Thank you.” I whisper. “For telling me the truth. Unfortunately, it doesn’t change the past ten years.” I lean my head against the car window and close my eyes.

When I open them again, it’s to Zack shaking me softly. “We’re here.”

Blinking, I sit up and look out the window to see the warehouse. “Oh.”

“I guess there’s a car already waiting for you,” he says, looking out the window. I follow his line of sight to see the man who brought me to the club on Friday.

“I better get going then.” I get this wave of wanting to cry. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to go back to that motel and be alone again. I’m so tired of being alone.

“Cora,” Zack says, but I stop him.

“Thank you. For everything. I’m sorry you wasted your money on me. But, thank you.” A few tears escape. “This money, it’s life changing. It means more than you will ever know. I have Kimmy’s number. I’ll keep in touch. I promise.”

“Cora, wait!” Zack shouts my name as I rush out of the car. I don’t stop and head straight inside the building.

After I’m done checking out and the money is deposited into my bank, I head outside to the car that's meant to take me to the shitty motel I’m staying at.

I don’t look out my window and as soon as the driver is inside, I ask him to hurry and leave. Only when the warehouse is far behind us do I finally cry.

I’ve been forced to hold in everything for so long, it was the only way to get by every day. I didn’t have time to break down, to be sad or upset. Not if I wanted to eat or pay bills. There was no time to be weak.

But after seeing them again, talking to them, just being in their presence, it’s like a dam has burst open and everything I’ve stuffed down to be dealt with later has bustedfree.

By the time we get to the motel, my eyes are heavy and swollen, my nose is runny and my head is killing me.

I just want to go inside and sleep because when I’m sleeping, I don’t think.

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