Page 79 of I Love a Good Challenge

“No,” I declare with as much frustration as I can express while my heart breaks all over again. “Listen to me!”

He’s moving now, out of the church and down a garden path at rapid speed. His shoulders are tense, the very tips of his hair pulled back from his hasty walk. This time, I’m the one reaching for him. Trying to keep up, I nearly topple over in the wedges I insisted upon wearing today. I’m regretting my fashion choice but am committed to following through with what’s about to unfold. He needs to know. He must know.

“Wait, you rake!”

At my raised voice, Graham stops abruptly. I nearly crash into his back from the momentum. He doesn’t turn around but looks over his shoulder, eyeing me with his peripheral vision.

“You heard me,” I say.

He faces me, frustration pulsing off his frame, hitting me full force with its intensity. I take a deep breath to steady myself. I’m more than attracted to this side of him, but I realize I need to focus on the moment. He laughs mirthlessly.

I know what he is thinking. Even now, when we’re at a crossroads together, I would have to do one more thing to provoke him.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Graham

Let me get this straight.”

My voice comes out calmer than I feel. Lily stands in front of me, an earnest expression on her face. She’s not going to let me leave until we have this conversation. Since we’re essentially trapped at this rehearsal together, there’s no point in outrunning her.

I continue, “So, we meet. I fall in love with you. We say we love each other. We make plans. I want to marry you. I buy a ring. And then, you see said ring and run away without a word. No, not a word. You tell me everything I thought we felt for each other was one-sided. Oh, and then, just to further confuse things, you never reach out to me again. Not even for the box of stuff you left behind that I still packed and took with me across the country like an idiot in love because throwing it away felt like throwing you away.”

Tears are streaming down Lily’s face now, but she nods.

“Let’s continue.” I begin to pace, deliberately avoiding looking into her eyes because I never could stand to see her cry. Whatever troubles Lily endures, I always want to fix them, to hold her until the world is right again. She used to let me. She’s been letting me . . . which makes me more determined to finally speak the words I’ve wanted to say for a long time.

“I can’t get you out of my head or my heart. You told me the little town you lived in was a dreamy and darling place to call home—albeit sometimes unhinged—but a place to mend a broken heart. In case you haven’t guessed it, that is why I showed up in Birch Borough in the first place.”

I wring my hands and crack my neck. It’s emotional, laying out all the evidence for my case against her in real time. For once, she doesn’t speak, letting me pour out my heart without interruption.

“During your parting shot to me, you promised me that you were leaving the country. You weren’t going to stick around, you said. I believed you. Again. And I moved into an apartment here. Why? Because I like to blow my life apart, apparently.”

My hands rise to loosen my tie. I work on the buttons of my shirt to roll up my sleeves.

“Graham . . .” Lily whispers. She can’t seem to get out the words. My chest is hollow, with the harsh facts spread out before us. I can’t take them back or will myself to stop. I’m aware of the internal alarm going off in my head, warning me that I should’ve stopped a few hundred words ago, but I keep pacing, the truth tumbling from my lips.

“Fast forward. Our best friends—of course fate would connect us for life somehow—are getting married. I’m in this wedding with you. And I have to watch you . . .” I pause, emotion clogging my throat.

The tears slip down her face, the drops soaking the top of her linen dress.

I gather myself and go on, “I have to see you. And talk to you. Through some magic, I got to kiss you in what must’ve been a portal to a dream world. I get to have you near me again. Yet, even when it feels like things are working, I know what I’ve already lost every single time.”

Her breath hitches. I clear my throat. I’m still not done.

“Still, knowing all this, I let you challenge me for my future in this town. I agreed to your terms. I fulfilled your demands. I put my whole life on the line again. Every step of the way, I warned myself not to fall for you, not to dare bare my soul just for you to crush it again.

“I thought we were on the brink of something. Everything I had buried started to break through the dead soil in my life. I thought my heart found the strength to beat again. It was as if my real heart was merely going through the motions of keeping me alive until you came back to me.

“And then you ask me if I’m leaving before we walk down the aisle—and I remind you . . . that you . . . you once said—I can’t even say it out loud because it feels like poison and a weird excuse for what we are to each other. So, I give my mom the apartment. I give you what you want. And now . . . you call me a rake?”

“You wouldn’t stop walking!” The frustration in her voice is like a poker, prodding the coals between us to keep the fire burning.

“Why should I stop, Lily? I’m genuinely asking . . . why?”

“Because I . . . I . . .” she starts, but the words get stuck in her throat.

“And a rake? Really? I’ve done everything in my life with the goal of being an honorable man. I’m not perfect, but I’m not that, and I . . .” I trail off.

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