Page 52 of I Love a Good Challenge

She wraps her arms around her waist. I take it as my cue. The music is suddenly too loud, the lights too dim, and the fury in my heart too wild. I give her a nod and walk out of the room, the scent of love and loss lingering heavily in my wake.

I’d tell my younger self that another rejection wouldn’t nearly be as painful as the knowledge that Lily doesn’t believe I’ll run after her again and again. Somewhere deep within me, I think this must be a core part of what it is to be human. We live in fear of something we both want and need so desperately. Occasionally, that fear overtakes us, and we wonder what life would’ve been like if it hadn’t.

When I’m older, the sound of the music mixed with her laughter is the memory I’ll pull from. The way she felt in my arms tonight is the storyline that makes me want to freeze time. I make it just outside the building, my hands threading through my hair, pulling at the edges until I’m not sure they’ll exist after this moment.

“Stupid, so stupid,” I mutter. Unbidden tears spring up to sting my eyes.

“You okay, man?” Suddenly, Rafe is beside me.

The feeling of loss—this time caused by my own hands—nearly chokes me. I reach for him, and he opens his arms to hug me tightly, as if I’m a brother who is holding too much emotion to process on his own.

“I’m losing it, man,” I manage to get out. “I don’t know what’s up or down. I—I love her so much. And I can’t . . . I can’t . . .”

I don’t even need to finish the sentence. Rafe leans back. He pushes away to look me in the eyes, never lifting his hands from my shoulders.

“You’re the best man I know,” he replies. His next words gut me to the core. “You’re not alone.”

I wipe my eyes, willing the emotion down. I’m not one to make a scene, but the emotion of it all has been just at the surface, trying to break through my skin for weeks. It’s more than Lily. It’s what Lily reveals. She shows me how much I’ve always feared being disposable, desperately avoiding a feeling of uselessness. I know that I can’t help but be all in when I make up my mind. And the disappointment kills me every time. First, with my father. And now, with her.

Rafe nods. Together, we walk around the corner of the brick building, the sound of music and laughter spilling out into the night, uncontainable within the walls.

“You held her,” he states simply.

“I did.”

“That’s a start. And you danced with her.”

I nod in reply, focusing on the shadowy, moonlit birch trees in the distance—the namesake of this town—to give me a sense of grounding. “It felt like we’ve danced a thousand times before.”

Rafe mirrors my choice to gaze out into the distance. “I know what it’s like to hold the woman you love in your arms and not know how things will end up. I don’t think it’s something a man recovers from. It’s not something we can forget.”

“That’s the problem right there,” I reply with a sigh, already pointing my shoes toward what now feels as if it is only my temporary home. “I never could forget. And I wouldn’t want to.”

Chapter Nineteen

Graham

What are we doing here?” I mutter, pulling open the door and stepping into the gym. I spot her immediately on the other side of the room.

Already, my breathing is ragged from the sight of Lily in a white tank top and black athletic shorts. I thought she was kidding when she texted me this morning to challenge me to a boxing match at In the Ring.

Got another challenge for ya, George, her text said. If you’re not too scared. Or you can forfeit this challenge and take the hit. There are some nice apartments in Portsmouth.

Not completing a challenge is out of the question. Not with the wedding fast approaching. Lily knows she can’t literally force me to leave town. But what will happen when she realizes her plan to drive me so crazy that I move of my own accord doesn’t work? Now, I’m wondering if this is her way of forcing us to duke out our differences once and for all.

We haven’t seen each other much of late. I’ve even found myself missing her ridiculous challenges. After the fluffernutter cookie incident, I thought she was softening toward me. But after the night we almost kissed while we danced at the Regency Ball, we now seem to be avoiding each other at all costs.

Walking toward a small bench in the corner of the gym, I drop my bag with a little more force than necessary. At the sound of the thud it makes, Lily pivots toward me. A smirk flashes across her pretty face. The look tempts me to kiss her for the reminder she just gave to my heart that I haven’t lost all of myself after all.

“George, you made it,” she says.

I should be frightened at her tone—a little giddy tinged with a sense of adventure—but my muscles clench in anticipation instead.

“Warm up,” she instructs.

I unzip my hoodie, carefully laying it over my gym bag. Glancing up discreetly, I watch Lily watching me in the mirror. She doesn’t realize that I can see her, so I take an extra moment to arrange and fold the sleeves of the sweatshirt. Her eyes take on a dreamy quality, as if she’s doing a math equation, and my arms and shoulders hold all the answers.

Interesting.

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