Page 132 of Rather: The Therapist

“You didn’t.”

Shrugging, he responded, “I did. And, though I’m not a coffee lover, I thought we could take a moment to appreciate the sun’s glow while you narrate whatever the hell is between those pages. Heated blankets are in the closet near the gazebo.”

“Pinch me,” I demanded, moving closer. “Pinch me.”

“I won’t do such a thing, Rather. Because after the stinging subsides, the books will still be right there and I’ll still be waiting with a cup of coffee and a heated blanket to join you out back.”

I rushed to unravel the bow and take a good look at the books stacked on top of one another. To my surprise, the final book in the stack wasn’t filled with words. It was patiently awaiting mine. The Ivy Dawn journal was one that had been on my wishlist for some time now.

Every time I considered the purchase, I talked myself out of it. The line of stationary was far too beautiful for me to destroy with a single journal entry before quitting altogether. I didn’t have much to write about then.

“Write about me,” Priest challenged.

“Are you reading my thoughts?”

“No. Sharing mine.”

“I heard everything you said the other day. I haven’t stopped thinking about it. It would pain me more to know you aren’t living the happiest life you could because that’s exactly what you deserve. Utter happiness. You tell me that you’ll mourn my absence. I’ll mourn the blissful life you could’ve had, had I never entered your world.”

“Not for a second do I regret meeting you or the magic we’ve made since encountering one another. But, I regret the turmoil I’ve burdened you with. I’ll never forgive myself for your fate or for your future. You deserve better than the pain you’ll feel.”

“I deserve you.”

With a nod, he agreed. Pursed lips and a low chuckle were followed by the shake of Priest’s head. “But I’m not who you’ll have.”

“I know.”

“Come outside with me, Rather. We don’t have long before Princeton is awake.”

He extended his arm and waited for me to grab ahold of his hand. I snatched the first book from the stack, hoping it was intriguing enough to capture both of our attention. It wasn’t until I made it out onto the extended porch that I realized I’d forgotten the cup of coffee I was eager to have. I let go of Priest’s hand and started for the door.

“Is everything alright?” He called behind me.

“How do you like your coffee?”

“Black.”

While he prepared the blankets and chairs, I busied myself in the kitchen with cups of fresh coffee. As I stood waiting for the mug I’d chosen to fill, everything around me stilled. The moment felt so surreal. Comfort quilted me better than any blanket man could create. The words of a song I loved more than the law should allow came to mind and out of my mouth.

“I feel so comfortable with you. You make me comfortable with you.”

At some point of The Start of Everything, it was Priest who began to turn page by page, reading to me. And, at some point during his reading, I fell asleep on his shoulder. The electric fire pit he’d started a few feet away kept the chilly water winds from altering my body’s temperature.

Sleep had overcome me. Many hours later and I was awakened by giggles and the sound of a raging dinosaur. Darkness surrounded me. As much as I wanted to blame the blackout curtains in the unfamiliar bedroom, I had a gut feeling I’d slept the day away. The sun set after the six o’clock hour. Though it was relatively early, it was too late for me to have slept in.

I slid into the fluffy slippers waiting for me in front of the bed. It was then I felt the silk fabric against my skin. I was no longer in the loungewear I’d come in. Priest had gotten me out of my clothes and into something more suitable for sleep.

Gosh, I couldn’t have been that tired.

Sleepless nights were few and far apart, but late nights and early mornings were plentiful. My head and heart were both still adjusting to solitude. I hated every waking minute of it. I missed my family dearly.

My mother’s voice wasn’t enough anymore. I needed her by my side. And, the girls, I yearned for their presence. The FaceTime group calls weren’t enough. Teddy was a completely different story. The void his absence left was hard to even think about. We didn’t talk as often as I wanted or needed.

He wasn’t much of a talker. Our calls would be filled with silence. But, even that would be better than the bits and pieces of him I had at the moment.

Maybe I was tired. Mentally, if nothing else.

Though I heard him loud and clear, it was taking me forever to get to Priest. The home was far from modest. The land was never ending. Acres on acres on acres of beautiful things and beautiful creatures occupied the territory.

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