Page 42 of Rather: The Therapist

He pulled away. A thumb on my cheek as he forged a smile was a warning I was all too familiar with. Chemistry was wise beyond measure.

Not only was he a literal genius, but he was a mastermind. In order to possess these qualities, he was required to do things others couldn’t fathom and often dreamed of.

Read minds.

Yes, I read them for a living, but it had taken practice and lots of studying. I knew them because I was fascinated with the way the brains and the mental structures it created operated and adapted to life. That wasn’t the case with Chem.

He was a reader. He sometimes knew what you were going to think before you thought it. Knew what you were going to do before you did it. Knew how you were going to react before you reacted. Knew how you’d move before you made the move.

It was frustrating how brilliant he was. Because, moments like this couldn’t end without complete understanding on both our ends. If we needed to, we’d sit right here until I was honest and until I felt better about whatever was bothering me.

From where we sat, Teddy would stop the ocean from swaying, stop the earth from spinning, stop the sun from shining, or wage war if it would bring me peace. Because when our hearts were in turmoil, he didn’t know peace.

“Say the word, Rather. Tell me you’re not fucking with it and I will empty every account necessary to pay the debt.”

“You don’t have a debt.”

“I’ll make one if you don’t wan–”

“No. No. Stop talking nonsense, Teddy. That won’t be happening. I’m fine. I don’t have any reservations with the marriage. I’m a little apprehensive because I don’t know what to expect, but that comes with the territory.

“I’m hopeful, though. I don’t think this is an awful thing. I don’t. You’re saving me the trouble of kissing a hundred frogs to meet my Prince,” I chuckled.

“Baby, these men have extensive lists full of bodies. Probably one longer than mine.”

“I doubt it,” I interrupted.

He continued, knowing I was likely accurate.

“Nevertheless, the body count is not slacking. They sell dope by the boatloads. They are part of the underbelly. They make deals with the devil. They aren’t strangers to trouble. They consider it a good time. They are on the opposite side of the law. They won’t hesitate to kill. To shoot. To scuffle. To go to war. They have no limits.”

He described our family. The thought brought joy to my heart. Knowing we weren’t an anomaly and there were people in the world on the same page made me slightly more comfortable. In someone else’s world, we were normal. Our lifestyle was normal.

“Does that sound like a Prince to you, baby?”

“Given the life we live sounding quite parallel to his– Yes, Chem. He actually does sound like a Prince to me. He sounds perfect.”

“Then you girls are a bit more fucked up than I imagined. Pops and I could’ve done a bit better raising you.”

“We surround ourselves with who we are, who we want to be, or who we think of ourselves as. Does it surprise you my interest is piqued knowing I’ll be meeting a man who indulges in the lifestyle of you and Richie? And, please don’t bullshit me with your response. I don’t need to be pacified, Teddy.”

Angling his head leftward, he took a second to respond. He calculated his words, mixed and matched them to suit his true feelings.

“I’m listening.”

“I haven’t started talking yet, Rather.”

“What are you waiting for?”

He paused, staring back at me with the same dark eyes I’d stolen from Richie.

“It doesn’t surprise me, but it doesn’t keep me from being optimistic. Keep me from wanting you with a normal nigga.”

“Is that not being optimistic? You say that as if being with a man of your stature is– is absurd. Damning. As if it’s ludicrous. I beg the difference. It’s not far-fetched and it is not nonsensical, either, Chemistry.

“I adore you. I adored our father. You have always been and still is the epitome of a man in my eyes. Richie was the blueprint. You were a better version of his design. Being with a man who isn’t even close to what you are, who you are… that’s what’s illogical.”

Offended, I stood, prepared to pace the room as I continued my explanation.

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