Page 17 of Rather: The Therapist

“Mind your manner, dear.”

She lifted two fingers and ran them across her mouth, “Zip.”

As if she hadn’t just exposed my insides, she started the water and began washing her hands. Low, harmonious sounds erupted from her, soothing the wound she’d just pulled the bandaid from.

Maybe red was a bad fucking choice.

Within the suites, it represented romance, normalcy, passion, and partnership. The long legs and beautiful voice in the wash area was leading me to believe I’d made a bad decision. Slowly, she started for the dining table. The humming transformed into words.

“I need a gangsta… to love me better than all the others doooo.”

Loosening my tie, I scanned the room for the thermostat. According to the warmth surrounding us, it was up far too much. Or, maybe, just maybe it was her. She was the heat, slowly and strategically setting me ablaze.

“To always forgive me. Ride or die with me. That’s just what gangstas doooo.”

As she approached the chair I’d chosen for her, I removed it from beneath the table. She lowered onto it and waited for me to readjust it. Once she’d settled, I rounded the table and sat.

At that moment, just inches away, with gleaming jewels, soft skin, and the essence of a woman staring me right in my face, I remembered why I was so appreciative of the privilege. Having a woman in your world, the right woman, made it all better. Made it all right. Even when it was all wrong.

My addiction to the very existence, the aura of a woman, had been suppressed for two years. Femininity was the most sacred, unprotected aspect of a woman and I loved that shit dearly. It enhanced my masculinity. Made me wiser. Stronger. Better in every way possible.

And, though this wasn’t my woman to have, she was mine for the night and I’d bask in her ambiance for the little time I was blessed with her. In my warped perception of self, I wholeheartedly believed I was not one who was supposed to live their days in singlehood. While others despised the idea of marriage, companionship, and lifelong commitments, I craved them and everything that came with them.

Stability was the foundation I’d bank on any day. The world was ever-changing. Having someone who continuously evolved but never truly changed by your side was, that shit was necessary in this game.

“A penny for your thoughts.”

She pulled me from my head and back into the moment.

“Somehow I feel like you know exactly what I’m thinking.”

“I wouldn’t have asked.”

Discomfort toyed with my words, my thoughts, and my response. I tugged at the mask on my head, ready to remove it completely.

“Don’t,” she warned, “Don’t break the rules. It defeats the pu– the purpose of this all.”

Quickly reminded that rules were involved, I nodded. Again, she was right. Rules and restrictions, I’d always found them to be inconveniences. But, the desire to sustain her comfort made them easier to abide by.

“Are you going to tell me what’s on your mind?”

“I’m not.”

I removed the lid from her plate and then from mine. Stuffed oysters, scallops, and grilled salmon fought for room on the plate beside seasoned rice and asparagus.

“Then, tell me what brings you here?”

“What brings you here?”

“I asked first,” she sniggered.

She didn’t cover her mouth when she laughed. She didn’t shy away when she found something funny. Her confidence was oozing, making her even sexier than she was seconds before.

“That thing you mentioned earlier.”

Nodding, she sucked in air before releasing it.

“Sorry.”

---