Page 138 of Rather: The Therapist

“Mo–”

“Don’t bullshit me, Priest. I know you well, son. And, I know how important companionship is to you. Lately, you’ve been–” she paused, struggling to express herself, “She’s written all over you.

“She’s made her mark. And, I’d be damned if I’m not curious as to who she is. I’ve seen the damage and I can’t take seeing that again. I just hope she’s everything you need, Priest, and not just someone you’re infatuated with for the moment.”

“You deserve someone who can handle your heart, son. It’s one of the rarest, finest ones out there.”

“She is,” I confirmed.

“She is?”

“Yes, Mother. She’s everything I need.”

But, can’t have. Not for the lifetime I need her for, anyhow.

“Good, then. I have nothing to worry about.”

“You don’t.”

There was a pregnant pause. She was in deep thought, but I was ready to be done with the conversation. The weeks were turning over too swiftly, leaving me with less time to bask in Rather’s aura. Enjoy her essence. Obsess over her presence.

“Is there anything else?”

I swung my car door open, ready to head out.

“Yes. In fact, there is.”

I waited. There was no need to speak. My mother wasn’t quite finished.

“Do you love her?”

Her question felt like a boulder on top of my heart. My chest tightened. The aching caused me to lift a hand and attempt to rub out the pain. The aches grew with each passing second I stared back at my mother. And when it became unbearable, the words surfaced.

“I do.

For the first time, I didn’t minimize the potency of my feelings for Rather. I took full ownership of them, confessing my love to the woman who was impossible to fool. If I’d lied, she would’ve known instantly. But, I couldn’t deny the love brewing within me for Rather. It was too precious. She was too precious. And, even in her absence, I would represent her well.

“Very much.”

“Well–” she replied with a smile, “Goodnight, then, son.”

“Goodnight.”

2:44am.

I rolled over to find the digital numbers on the clock had changed at least sixty times since I’d last had a glimpse.

Violation.

It was on rotation in my head. I’d been the head of our family since I turned thirty and there hadn’t been a single instance that resulted in my disloyalty to the commandments. To the founding families are The Triad of Ara. To my family.

I didn’t break code. I led by example. And, up until Rather, I’d led well.

Do you love her?

My mother didn’t need to ask. She already knew. It was me that she wanted to understand it. To acknowledge it. To admit it. I had. And, now I couldn’t close my eyes long enough to let sleep find me.

3:52am.

---