Page 121 of Chemistry: The Chemist

“Whaaaaat?” She blushed.

“You’re beautiful, Eden.”

With her hands, she covered her face. I pulled them away one after the other.

“Don’t hide.”

I’ve done enough of that for us both.

“You make me feel so fuzzy inside. My God, I feel like a kid with a crush.”

“I’m no kid and this ain’t no crush, Choc.”

“I’m well aware,” she admitted. “You’ve made that abundantly clear.”

“There is something else I want to make abundantly clear.”

I brought her hands to my lips and kissed her fingers, one by one, stopping at her ring finger where I’d one day place a ring. She waited with bated breath for me to continue. My stomach flipped fifty times. My mouth dried as I fought to release the words on my heart.

“I’ve been trying to convince myself I’m in too far over my head but every time I set eyes on you, I feel like I’m not even halfway there. So much darkness, so much nothingness surrounded me before you stepped and lit this motherfucker up.

“Your light exposed wounds I’ve been needing to heal for two decades. Your light exposed parts of me I had tucked away, hidden, and hoped they were never discovered. Your light brought me clarity. And a bunch of fucking feelings I fight to control every day. I lose every time, Choc.

“Because this feeling isn’t meant to be controlled. It’s all-consuming. It’s wide. It’s large. It’s deep. It’s better than anything I’ve ever felt. For once, I don’t get to dictate. My submission is required and until three months ago, I had intentions of leaving this earth without submitting. But here we are and now that I’m here, I’ll never return to that emptiness I experienced, that abyss I was once in.

“You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever understand. And I thank you for that. They say perfection doesn’t exist, but I have the proof in my hands right now. I love you, Choc. yesterday. Tomorrow. Next week. Next month. Next year. Next lifetime. Unconditionally. Wholly. Completely. Without reservation. Without shame. Without fear. Without regret. I love you. And I’ve known it for some time now.

“Possibly the moment I laid eyes on you, but I convinced myself it was impossible and again, I was in too far over my head. But, fuck my head and fuck time and fuck all the restrictions society puts on us. There’s no timeframe. No amount of days. No amount of nights. No amount of dates can change my mind about how I truly felt that night.

“It’s clear now because my feelings haven’t changed. They’ve only intensified. My love has grown. Expanded. Blossomed. It’s almost too fucking big for this heart of mine. But, that’s alright because it’s growing too, to accommodate you… to accommodate us.”

I shook my head. “Fuck.”

I couldn’t wrap my head around the things coming from my mouth, but I didn’t need to. I was no longer speaking from my head where logic existed. I was speaking from my heart where love existed.

“And I know I’m saying a lot but in short, I love you. I love you. I love you.”

Tears fell from her eyes, rolled down her cheeks, and soiled my pants. Her chest caved and stilled as I continued.

I kissed her forehead. “I love you.”

I kissed her right cheek. “I love you.”

I kissed her left cheek. “I love you.”

I kissed her lips. “I love you.”

She released a breath. “Chemistry.”

“In this lifetime and the next, Choc.”

“I need to te– tell you som–” She choked, tears as plentiful as her emotions.

“We’ve arrived,” Aden announced, pulling us both above ground level where the tsunami of tears threatened our wellbeing.

“What is it?” I asked, still invested in our conversation.

Hesitantly, she shook her head from one side to the other.

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