Page 41 of One Last Time

“Good, glad to be out. Kelvin’s watching the kids tonight.” The smile on her face is full of love.

The mention of kids has my heart sinking and tears filling my eyes. God, why can’t I be normal? Why do I hurt when someone talks about children or I see a baby? Is it always going to be this way?

“Hey what’s wrong?” she asks, her eyes full of worry.

I shake my head, “Nothing, it’s okay.”

She grips my arm and pulls me to a stop. “Payton, what’s wrong? Tell me, maybe I can help?” The desperation in her voice gets to me.

“I don’t know how to say it. I feel as though I’m drowning in this pain, and I can’t find a way to break through the surface.”

“Talk to me,” she pleads, her hands tugging on mine.

I swallow hard trying my best to figure out how to say the words. They hurt so much, only Bianca knows what happened, and that was because she was there. I’m pretty sure that she’s told Jerald because I’ve been MIA for the past two weeks. Holed up in my apartment unless I absolutely have to be somewhere.

“Two weeks ago, the doctor found out that my baby no longer had a heartbeat.” My voice is barely a whisper, but I know she heard me, her hands tighten around mine, and I look up at her.

Tears fill her eyes as her mouth opens into an O shape. “Oh, Payton,” she whispers, “I’m so very sorry for your loss. How far along were you?”

“Twelve weeks.” My voice is hoarse. Fuck, saying the words are just so hard.

Her arms go around me, and I somehow manage to keep my composure. The tears fall softly and silently, whereas inside all I want to do is sob. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Did you go through this alone?”

I shake my head, “I had Bianca with me.”

She frowns, “If you don’t mind me asking, where’s the baby’s dad?”

I sigh, “That is a long story.”

She shrugs. “We have time.” She links her arm through mine once again and we start to walk toward the restaurant. One of the many reasons that I loved this house was that it wasn’t too far to walk to the stores and restaurants but far enough away from the hustle and bustle of the city.

I tell her everything about Silas’ and my relationship. By the time we’ve reached the restaurant I’ve poured my heart and soul out to her. I shouldn’t have burdened her with my sorrows, but it feels good to have everything off my chest.

“I don’t want to hurt him, telling him about the baby is going to kill him.” I know it will, and I don’t want to do that to him.

We’re seated at a table and Ali’s eyes are still brimmed with tears. “You should tell him, he needs to know.”

I sigh, “I know, I just don’t want anyone to feel this pain.”

“I’m so sorry that you’re going through this,” she whispers as she swipes away a stray tear.

“Thank you.” I take a deep breath and shake my head. “No more tears, no more sadness,” I tell her, I need to try to have a normal night.

She smiles, “You’re right. Tonight, we let loose. After dinner, I’m taking you to my favorite bar.”

I shake my head, “You’re going to get me drunk.”

She laughs, “Yep, you need to let your hair down and have an empty mind for just one night.”

After dinner she drags me to her favorite bar, Celtic Swell. We find an empty booth at the back of the bar, “Hi, we’d like two margaritas, on the rocks, no salt, extra limes, please?” she asks the server with a smile.

Tonight, has been just what I needed. Just as Ali said, I’ve been able to let my mind be clear. The server returns with our margaritas, and Ali wastes no time in drinking hers. I tentatively sip mine, trying to see if I like it or not. The taste bursts into my mouth, and I drink more of it. God, no wonder Ali’s drinking it as though it’s going out of fashion. These are delicious.

“The next time we should go out with the girls. They’re going to love you.”

I smile, “I’d love that. Bianca is my girl, but she lives in New York.”

Ali nods, “While you’re here, for however long you’re here, you’ve got me.”

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