Page 47 of One Last Time

I should call Dahlia, I haven’t spoken to her in a while, though I’ve kept in contact with my siblings. I’ve been able to put on a facade with them, but Dahlia, she knows me too well, she’ll see right through it. She messages me a lot, demanding to know if I’m okay. I know that I’m hurting her by pushing her away, but it’s what I always do. When Mom and Dad died, I pushed everyone away, then when I thought Si cheated on me, I pushed him away and locked myself up tight. When things get tough, I withdraw from everyone until I can’t any longer. I’ll do it tomorrow, today has been exhausting, and I’ve slept most of it away.

I feel warmth from behind me, and I don’t turn, I already know who it is. He sits down behind me, his legs spread out either side of my body and his hands splay across my belly and I gasp, this is what it should have been like.

“When you’re ready, we’ll try again,” he says softly. “Whenever you’re ready, baby.”

I lean back against him, needing his strength. “What if I’m never ready?”

He kisses the top of my head. “Then we’ll spend the rest of our lives together.”

Just like that. So fucking simple.

“Do you want more kids?” he asks, his voice filled with love.

I shrug, then I tell him the ultimate fear I have about trying again. “I’m scared, what if we get pregnant and then we lose the baby again?”

His arms tighten around me, “If you want to try again, we’ll get the best doctors.” He promises me, and I love him even more. “You don’t need to decide now, the option is open.”

God, he’s the fucking best. “What if I don’t, what about you?”

His mouth moves to my ear. “You. Are. All. I. Need. You. Are. All. I. Want.”

Holy shit.

“Si…” I whisper, unsure of how to even respond to that.

We’re silent for a bit, both of us lost in our own thoughts, listening to the water crash onto the edge of the bay.

“Why are you here, baby?” he asks, breaking through the quietness. “Not that I’m mad, I’m fucking glad you are.”

“I’m here because this is now where I live.” I twist my head so I can look at him, his eyes are soft as he stares down at me. “When I found out that I was pregnant, I knew that I wanted to live in Seattle and be near the water. I found this place and loved it instantly. I bought it. I was hoping that you’d live here with me.” My voice is barely a whisper on that part.

“Seriously?” I can see his grin, and my body sags in relief. I nod, “Love you, baby. You bought this house for us?”

I nod, “I’ll give you a tour in a bit.” I’m not ready to move from our spot just yet. The feeling of being in his arms is unlike anything else.

He kisses my head once again, and I sigh contently. “When’s your next shoot, baby?”

I tense as I bite my lip, shit, I haven’t told him the other news that I have.

“Pay?” Worry fills his voice.

“I’m not sure, I don’t have one for the next few months. I was offered a part in a movie.”

“Really?” The pride in his voice makes me smile, “Holy shit, you’re going to be a movie star!”

“Yeah, I seriously wonder how the hell I landed the role, but the director wanted me to audition, and I did. I landed the roll. Filming begins next week, here in Seattle.” It’s one of the reasons why I wanted to take the job in the first place. Close to my family and to Silas.

“Thank fuck. I’m proud of you, baby. You’ve achieved so much, but it’ll be good to finally have you to myself for a while without you jetting around the world.”

I laugh, “Are you moving in?” He never did say.

He gets to his feet and pulls me up with him. “Baby, I’ll be all moved in tomorrow. You’re stuck with me.” His lips descend on mine, and for the first time in weeks, the heartache isn’t as overwhelming as it was.

CHAPTER 26

Silas

Payton’s sitting on the sofa with her legs crossed, Dahlia’s sitting beside her as the boys play outside on the beach, with Mary watching over them. Dahlia turned up this morning worried out of her mind. Payton told me that she hadn’t really spoken to anyone since she lost the baby, and she kept everyone at arm’s length. Dahlia especially, and only sent her messages. Dahlia had enough of being pushed away and showed up demanding answers.

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