Page 1 of One Last Time

Prologue

PAYTON

The tears roll down my face as I watch the caskets being slowly lowered into the ground. The sound of my brothers sobbing is what shatters my heart. It shouldn’t be like this. We shouldn’t have to bury our parents before we’re even adults. I glance down at my brothers, both of whom are holding onto my hand as though they’re scared I’m going to disappear on them. They’re both staring at the ground, their shoulders shaking as the sobs wrack through their tiny bodies. I wish there was something I could do to help them. But there isn’t. No one can help us.

The past few days, I’ve felt every emotion under the sun. The anger, the hurt, and the sorrow are what have stayed with me. Getting the news that my parents died was the worst thing in my life. I don’t really remember much about that day, but I do remember the shock that I felt, the way pain erupted in my body. It was too much to take, I fell to my knees and sobbed. I never truly understood what it meant to be broken until that moment.

I’ve wanted to hide away from the world, to lie in my bed and let the pain seep out of me, but I can’t. My siblings need me, at sixteen I’m the oldest of the Moore children. Mary is next, she’s fourteen, Tyler is ten, and Sebastian is six. I need to be strong for them, all of them.

“Pay,” Mary says softly, once the funeral is over and it’s just us alone in our home. I turn to look at my sister and see that her face is red and puffy, tears sliding down her cheeks. Pain is etched into her eyes and I wonder if I look as bad as she does. “Auntie Dahlia says that we’re going to have to go soon. Is that true?”

My heart stutters for a moment. Aunt Dahlia lives in Portland, Oregon, it’s over a thousand miles from Grand Forks, North Dakota. She’s now our guardian, she needs to go home, and we’re going to have to go back with her.

“Yes,” I reply and I bite back a sob. We’re all leaving our friends and our home behind. It’s going to be hard, but for me, I’m leaving behind the boy that I love. Silas Miller. We’ve made plans, we were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together.

Tyler and Sebastian’s gazes find mine, fear etched on their tiny faces, they don’t want to leave either. Too much is happening, too many changes.

“Why can’t we stay here?” she asks, her tears falling faster. “Why is she making it worse? Can’t we stay here? Live with you?”

I hear a sigh behind me and I tense, Aunt Dahlia.

“Payton isn’t old enough to look after you. I wish I could give up everything to come and live here with you, but I can’t. I’m sorry that you have to move, but I promise, I’m going to make sure you’re all happy and loved.” Her voice is soft and much like ours, her eyes are filled with tears. She’s just lost her sister. We’re all feeling the loss, we just need to try and work through it together.

“When do we leave?” I ask her, needing to see Silas before I do.

She glances down at her watch. “Our flight leaves in five hours,” she tells me. “We leave in three hours.”

I close my eyes, that’s not enough time. I need to get the kids ready to leave. We’re all packed up and ready to go, Dahlia has already boxed all our stuff up and the moving truck has already left. It’s been hell these past couple of days and I hate that we’re leaving, but we don’t have a choice.

Dahlia’s hand rests on my shoulder. “Go, Pay, I’ve got this,” she assures me. “Go say goodbye.”

Mary nods, “I’ll help her. Go.”

I get to my feet and reach for Mary’s hand, giving it a squeeze before leaving. My nerves are kicking in; I don’t want to say goodbye, but I don’t have a choice.

It doesn’t take me long to walk to Silas’ house, when I get there I knock on the door and wait. My heart’s in my mouth as the door slowly opens.

“Pay, I’m so sorry for your loss,” his mom tells me as she engulfs me in a hug. “You know that you’re always welcome here, anytime.”

I give her a feeble smile knowing that’s never going to happen. “Thank you. Is Silas home?”

“Of course, he’s in his room,” she says and I take a tentative step towards the stairs. “Go on up, he’ll be happy to see you.”

I walk up the stairs, my heart is heavy knowing that this is going to be the end of us. We’ve not seen much of each other these past couple of days, but we’ve messaged a lot. Usually we’d see each other before, during, and after school.

His bedroom door is slightly ajar and I knock on it before pushing it open. He’s lying on his bed, headphones covering his ears as he plays a game on his phone. His brown hair, messy as per usual, it’s a little longer than normal but it suits him. His gaze moves from the screen to me and the love in those beautiful green eyes makes my pulse race, and when he smiles it makes my legs weak. “Baby,” he whispers, getting to his feet and walking over to me.

He opens his arms and I fall into them, needing to have him touch me. I’ve missed him. My hands grip his muscular shoulders as I hold on to him. “Si,” I whisper as I take a step backward and out of his hold. “We’re leaving today.”

His Adam’s apple bobbles as he swallows, “When?” His voice is hoarse.

“In three hours. I wish I didn’t have to go, but I do.” Tears cascade down my face and I wonder if there’ll ever be a day that goes by that I won’t cry. “This is really it.”

He pulls me back into his arms. “This isn't it,” he growls. “We’re never going to be over. We may be thousands of miles apart but, Pay, you’ll always be mine, just as I’ll always be yours. I’m going to Seattle in a couple of days. When you’ve finished school, you’ll come to live with me. I’m not losing you, Pay, we’re just going to be apart for a little while. That’s all.”

His words make me feel as if everything could be right with the world. I don’t allow myself to admit it’s a childish dream that can’t happen. I just melt into him, wanting it to be true. The conviction he says it with calms my racing heart, just slightly. I nod, “Okay.”

He grips my face and tilts it up so that I’m looking at him. “Always, Pay, you’re always mine,” he tells me, his lips crashing against mine. I relax into him as our tongues tangle together. “We’ll talk all the time, there’s a reason why there’s video calls.” He smiles, he’s making this so much easier for me. “I won’t lose you,” he tells me again and I fall even harder for him.

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