Page 67 of Of Night and Blood: Special Edition

To my astonishment, Henry closed the space between us and wrapped his arms around me in a bone-crunching hug. I stood there, arms slack at my sides, for a moment. But as the shock wore off, I found myself hugging him back. It was a warm embrace, and I was reminded how tall he was as the top of my head barely reached his chest.

“I am glad you are safe, Asher, I should have stuck closer to your side,” he spoke, his breath hitting my hair. Not once had he offered this level of kindness to me. In fact, he was the only one I could count on to regularly offer me fearless taunts other than Bellamy.

“Honestly, if you keep saying nice things to me, I might gag, carrot top,” I muttered into his chest. I felt the vibration of his full laugh rattle my head and smiled at the return of his former self.

Now that I had calmed down, I did not think I would attempt to kill Bellamy or any of his Trusted. I could count on them to protect me in the face of danger—they proved that tonight—but I knew they still lied through their teeth when they spoke to me.

Henry was slowly becoming the exception. Being around him was easy. He made me laugh, taught me without holding back, and often gave me truths that others would not dare offer. But that was seemingly due to the animosity between him and Bellamy. If they ever reconciled, I worried how that would change his treatment towards me.

“I sure do enjoy that annoying voice of yours, little brat.” He laughed, lightly flicking my nose before walking out of the tent, tugging me along by the hand. Outside, the sky had turned a brilliant shade of pink, like the hyacinths that were scattered across the field of grass. The group was sitting in front of a newly lit fire, still in their battle-torn clothing.

Bellamy walked out of his tent, a long-sleeve purple tunic replacing the old one he had put on me. The demon prince looked my way, as if sensing my stare. His gaze was scalding, the slide of his tongue across his lips sending my heart fluttering.

Then my hand joined with Henry’s caught his attention. In an instant his face was blank, controlled save for the tick of his jaw.

Noe followed his line of sight to me, a smile lighting her face. I offered a small one of my own in return, not wanting to offend her. Noe was the most eager out of Bellamy’s Trusted to befriend me, and I had to admit she was slowly wearing down my defenses.

Henry sat us down in between Cyprus and Ranbir, Bellamy across the way. The six of them who had finished the trek through the vile forest looked positively exhausted, so their choice to stay awake surprised me. Rest seemed like the least they were owed.

“How did you all fair? Everything went smoothly?” Bellamy inquired, looking over each of their faces. I noted the obvious concern in his voice, different than what Xavier used during council meetings. This was more familial, a loving warmth.

The group all nodded in response, none of them eager to speak after the hours of what was likely a fear-inducing journey after the attack. I could see that Ranbir had patched up each of them up, but sleep would still be needed to get them back to full health. The mind needed rest just as much as the body.

I thought of my own experiences with Healers. Tish had been around for most of my life, though two had come before her in short spurts. All had been instructed to heal me to the point I would not scar. Even my latest two healing sessions with her left me in perfect condition, not a scar or bruise could be found. I thought it was so I would not be subject to the memories that scars would call upon, but now I wondered if it was to assuage the royals’ guilt. Or perhaps to maintain the appearance of a loving family.

What it had really done was nearly drive me mad. The first few times it happened, I had thought I made the entire thing up. I spent days on end not sleeping or eating, thinking I might hallucinate once more. When I caught onto what was going on, I felt violated, as if I was missing a fundamental part of myself that had been stolen from me.

Looking down at my skin now, it was like I had never lived—like nothing and no one had existed within this body. Other than the scars from the afriktor attack. The ones I needed Ranbir to leave behind, if only so I could stay sane.

The fae king and queen’s betrayal stung me far worse than it should have. Love was not something felt between the royals, but I had always believed that they held the emotion for me. After all, they told me they loved me, that I was cherished. Through each beating and scolding, even the many rules in place, I had been under the impression that love was at the root of it all.

Maybe I was foolish to so easily believe the afriktor, but something about the feeling in my stomach that came when the beast delivered the news made it feel true. Never had I considered the idea that the couple who raised me were plotting against me, but now I was fairly sure they had been all along.

I shook my head, trying to prevent the grief from swallowing me whole.

“Hey Ash, any chance you want to turn in for the night?” Noe asked.

I looked over to her, surprised. Her eyes held a knowing sorrow, as if she had been privy to my thoughts. Realization hit me then. Noe, for all her joy and exuberance, had lived through a similar pain.

I nodded, not wanting to speak for fear those walls I had crafted around my emotions might break if I tried. Noe walked around the fire, reaching a hand out to me. I grabbed on, standing to walk with her towards the tent. She bid everyone goodnight for the both of us, and then we made our way to the safety of our shelter.

Overwhelming sorrow left me sobbing by the time we closed the fabric behind us, my body shaking and head spinning with too many thoughts to comprehend. I sat on my cot, Noe moving to rest on her own; allowing me the silence that I needed to finally feel what had been building up for so long.

I was alone. Truly alone. No family, all of my friends a sea away, not even the comfort of my own bed below me.

After a few minutes of my tears, Noe spoke.

“I know you feel as if no one is on your side, but I am here if you need to talk. To let it out,” she whispered. An offer of sorts. One I had not realized I needed until then.

Loneliness was terrifying in many ways, but it was also safer. I was taking a risk allowing Noe in, accepting the friendship she had so adamantly been attempting to form.

Yet, I knew I could not last much longer tucking away every memory and feeling that might hurt, especially now that I was aware it had been Mia who poisoned me. Not just in the last couple of months, but for years.

Somehow, I would seek the vengeance I was owed. Mia, Xavier, Sterling, even Bellamy, would get what they were due. I would be their karma.

But for now, all I could manage was to slump down on my cot and look into the hazel eyes across from me. They were warm and welcoming, eager to shoulder some of the burdens that weighed on my mind. Noe was kind and genuine, I could see that now. Whatever lies and secrets existed between us, they came from duty on her part.

“I think I have decided on my question I am owed,” I said.

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