Page 47 of Of Night and Blood: Special Edition

She nudged my arm, eyebrows raised. What would I ask, if I could? Pertinent questions came to mind. Ones that would give me an upper hand on our journey to Dunamis.

Perhaps it was that fact, or maybe the way Noe looked at me as if she truly cared about what I had to say, that had me facing her and sharing a story I had never told another soul. Not even Nicola.

“There are not many rules placed upon me by the royals, but those lines that do get drawn are unmoving. One such edict is that I do not fraternize. In Academy, myself and three others would sneak away to hangout with each other, but none of us mingled romantically with those outside of our factions. I had kissed a male once as a youngling, but he left crying when I accidentally invaded his mind and spoke to him. Otherwise, I listened, confident that Mia and Xavier would find me a match someday.” Noe listened intently to my story, not a hint of boredom in her eyes.

“It was not until our final year that I first made the decision to truly go against that rule,” I shared, my heart racing. I felt as if my soul might split even thinking of him. “He was a Healer. Kind, gentle, intelligent. None of my friends were in that faction, so they were unaware he even existed. We had run into each other from time to time,” a faint smile broke out on my face as I recalled the memory, “and once, he stopped me from splashing in a puddle when I was too distracted reading a new book.”

Noe patiently listened, not moving a single muscle. I on the other hand, was a twitching mess. Fiddling my fingers, gnawing on my bottom lip, fidgeting. I could not stay still. But I pushed on, if only to get a single question answered.

“His name was Sipho. His hair was a fascinating shade of black, because it had a sort of blue hue in the light. He always fussed with it, leaving it constantly disheveled. And his eyes, they were a beautiful honey color.” I gulped, the air difficult to take in. “I fell in love with him in the same way that water flows down the river—easily, naturally, as if it were my destiny.”

Mental images of the male I once cherished more than anything flashed through my head. My eyes prickled, tears threatening to leak. I could do this. Share this part of myself in order to gain that precious answer.

“Sipho was brilliant and so very curious. No part of him held hatred for anyone. He did fear though, me above all else. To him, I was a terrifying and exciting anomaly. He began studying me during our…meetings, desperately seeking the results of his endless hypotheses. But not once did he treat me like a prize or a monster.”

Sobs slipped through my lips as we neared the end of the tragedy. That was the problem with histories, they could not be changed no matter how horrific the ending. A wound that would not ever heal.

“Xavier found us one night. We had not met within the castle grounds before then, but Xavier and Mia were celebrating their anniversary on Isle Element, their home. I—I thought it was safe for him.” Noe gasped, the first sound she made since I had started to speak. A sign she knew exactly what was to come.

“I do not know what set him off more, the fact that we were naked in my bed, or that Sipho was examining me. He was sending his power into my body, using it to form a better understanding of how I came to be. Where my powers came from when no one else in existence had them,” I explained through my tears as they fell mercilessly down my face.

“In all my life I had never seen anyone as angry as Xavier was that night. He grabbed me by my hair and dragged me off the bed, completely nude, throwing me against the opposite wall. Then he—” my words cut off, a tremor running down my spine. It was nearly two centuries ago, but the wound was as raw as ever. I curled into a ball, needing to hold myself as I admitted out loud what I did to Sipho.

“Xavier burned him alive. In front of me. I screamed and cried as his howls echoed through my chambers, begging for help, for mercy. When no one came, I took hold of Xavier’s mind for the first and last time, telling him to stop. But it was too late. All I could do was grant Sipho peace, manipulate the pain away and shatter his mind. I will never forget the feeling of his hand slipping from my own.”

I did not speak again for a while, trying to calm my shaking body and swallow the sobs. Noe lay to my right, quietly crying as well. After some time, she began slowly stroking my hair.

“It took me decades to forgive Xavier, to understand what he meant when he said he had to do it, that it was my fault. And when I finally stepped back to look at what happened, I realized he was right. The only one I could blame was myself. I put Xavier in that position; I put Sipho in that danger; I put myself in that nightmare. So, yes, I have been in love. A brief and slow love that only served to make me realize just how dangerous I am,” I concluded.

Noe went to speak, but I put up a hand to silence her. I did not need pity or justification. I did not need sorrys or condolences. What I wanted was answers, even if it was just a single one. Without thinking, I asked the first one that came to mind. The one that stuck with me even as I told that story of love and death and so much sorrow.

“What does Bellamy want with me?” I rasped, my voice sore from crying so profusely.

I hoped she would not tell a soul, but felt that she might run straight to the very demon I was inquiring about. A calculated risk, one I was willing to take. Let them think me a heinous beast, it was not as if I disagreed.

Noe shook her head, a sad expression still etched onto her beautiful face.

“I do not think anyone can answer that except for Bell. Not because I refuse, but simply because I do not know. We had all thought it was because you are powerful and could make a difference in the coming conflict. Yet, he does not seem to act as if you are a means to an end. He is more protective of you than he has ever been with anyone else. He watches you in the same way Winona watches Ranbir—as if you are a dream he never thought would come true and is terrified to wake up from,” she said.

Valid as that seemed, I still did not believe she was being completely honest. How convenient that she would not know his true motives, that he would have shared them with no one at all. And her phrasing, a dream. Did Bellamy not just talk of dreams with me? Was this a planned speech, a diversion to avoid my questions?

I could steal the answer from her, convince her to tell me with a mere thought. I did not need permission, but what would I lose if I began taking so carelessly? I was unsure if that was a risk I would be willing to take or consequences I would be able to face.

Patiently waiting for my response, Noe hummed lightly.

“Perhaps I will save my question for another day. Would you retrieve Henry for me while I bathe?” I asked, feeling far too drained to fight for the answers I needed. Angry as well, that I had given that piece of myself to a stranger who did not possess the answers I needed.

Noe’s eyes widened, “You want him to come in here with you? Alone?” She looked around the room, as if judging how appropriate it would be. Or how her prince would react to finding Henry in my chambers.

“First of all, I can tell without even using my power that you are horrified at what Bellamy will do if he finds out that I invited Henry into my bedchambers. So let me save you from the nightmares; I would like to train with the demon, not fuck him,” I said, too much animosity lacing my words.

I fought to assuage the red-hot anger rising inside of me, taking deep breaths. Noe was kind and, for reasons I could not fathom, wanted to befriend me. She did not deserve my wrath.

Noe’s shoulders sagged in relief, an amused smirk lifting the corner of her mouth. When she finally shimmied off the mattress, I had calmed down significantly. I fought to keep my anger at bay as she paused at the foot of the bed and said, “I do believe I have some bragging to do about being the first of us welcomed into your bed.”

I took the pillow she had laid on and threw it with all of my strength at her. Normally, my strength was far superior to those around me, which was why I expected the pillow to smash into her. Instead, Noe swatted it away, only a soft grunt escaping her mouth. My brows pinched together as she chuckled, lightly tossing the pillow back and making a quick escape.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

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