Page 17 of Of Night and Blood: Special Edition

“You look stunning,” Bellamy commented. I felt my own cheeks go red, my hand reaching up to twirl my necklace.

Pino let out a cough that sounded like a repressed laugh and rushed out of the cluttered room.

Chapter Ten

Bellamy and I sat there in silence, both of us staring at the other. My power begged to burst free, sensing my desire to know what he was thinking. I watched his eyes move slowly down my body, the tension growing. My own eyes caught the flushed points of his ears again.

“I wish I had your ears,” I blurted.

The second the words left my mouth I felt foolish. I often chose to ignore my deformed ears, but with Bellamy it seemed I was prone to speaking without thought.

“I mean, I just wish mine were normal,” I clarified.

His smile quickly faded, turning into a tight line.

“Your ears are beautiful Asher, being different is not a bad thing,” he said. “Besides, are they not a sign of your resilience?”

“Being the sole survivor of a demon attack is not necessarily something I enjoy recalling, and my ears remind me of it every day,” I shared, surprised at my own vulnerability. “I often wonder if it bothers the king and queen as well. Seeing where the demons cut off the tips of my ears surely reminds them of the friends and child that were taken from them.”

Their son had the same thing done to his ears before they killed him, which was probably why Mia preferred my hair to be long and down, hiding the reminder. On special occasions, she would place golden cuffs atop them. They came to a point, replicating what mine surely would have looked like in a better world.

“What about your own feelings, do they not matter?” he asked, tilting his head to the side. In truth, I spoke of my feelings and thoughts so rarely that I doubted anyone knew to ask. Mia and Xavier both cared for me more dearly than I could have asked for. Everything I had and was came from their kindness, generosity, and love. If I made my feelings known, they would care. Right?

“I find it difficult to talk about how I feel, but I know if I expressed myself more, everyone around me would move mountains to help.” Even as I said the words, I was unsure if I believed them. Just a few nights ago I was telling Mia I did not want to marry Sterling, and she was willfully ignoring my reasoning. Did what I wanted and thought truly matter to her? It was not rare for someone to love you but not respect your independence.

Yet, I could not help but think of how selfish those desires I held were. Would I really risk the safety of my realm simply because I did not particularly enjoy my betrothed? I saw the way Xavier and Mia moved, their beautiful reliance in one another. No, they did not love, but they did find a way to make their marriage seamless, comforting. I could likely do that if I tried.

The problem was that I did not want to try.

“You seem to do just fine discussing your feelings with me,” Bellamy noted.

He was not wrong, though I wished he was less aware. Refreshing and easy, that was what Bellamy had been. He was a male I knew I could also find that comfort in that Mia had with Xavier. Without a doubt I knew I could also find love there, if I gave myself the time and freedom to do so. But I did not have that luxury.

“Tell me something,” he said.

“What?” I asked curiously.

“Why are you marrying that mortal?” he asked. His body leaned towards me in anticipation of my answer.

I thought over it, gauging if I should admit that I would do anything for Xavier and Mia. They raised me as their own, loved me despite my flaws, saved me from myself. And the realm, my kind, those were things worth sacrificing for.

There were times long ago when I thought the opposite, when I blamed the royals for losses that I did not want to accept fault for. Pain I put on them when really it was my own to bear. Never again would I do that to them. Even being here was a risk to it all.

“Why does that question take so much consideration?” he asked quietly, still standing across from me. I looked down, avoiding his eye contact which would surely cause me to say something ridiculous.

“I find it hard to believe that you would like what I share,” I answered honestly. No one ever did. It was my life to do with as I pleased, so no one’s approval but Xavier’s and Mia’s truly mattered. Yet, I found myself wanting Bellamy to accept my choices as well.

“Try me,” he countered. His thumb idly twisted one of the many rings adorning his fingers. This one was a gold band that had a symbol for each of the elements on it.

Twist. Fire. Twist. Air. Twist. Earth. Twist. Water. Around and around it spun. His eyes never left me, his interest radiating from him.

“I often feel as though I am no one,” I began instead, answering a question I had previously avoided. “Do you want to know why I liked this dress? It was because I would never get the chance to choose it any other time. Every part of me is a perfectly thought-out design made by everyone but myself. I eat, sleep, and dress according to what I am told. I do so out of guilt, but also for the betterment of the realm. I am the story of nightmares amongst our kind, and I wonder who I would become if I was left to my own devices. What I might morph into. Who I might hurt. My greatest fear, it is myself,” I finished, sucking in a deep breath.

Bellamy responded almost immediately, as if he needed no time to form the opinion.

“What if the being you are meant to be is far superior to the one others have crafted you into? A rendering will never be as beautiful as the original, as the life and flesh and breath of that which inspired it. I believe we all are afraid sometimes. Of others and ourselves. No one is completely sure of themself, but your doubt will prevent you from becoming what you were destined to be.” He spoke as if he somehow knew what my future held. A tangle of words that threatened to tear down everything I had ever been told. Everything I had ever believed.

“And what was I meant to be?” I asked, lifting my chin, challenging him.

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