Page 38 of The Orc Outcast's Mate

“Both.”

A ragged sigh left her lips as she continued to stroke his now healed palm. Dang, orcs healed fast. Or maybe just Govek did.

“I truly did not intend to insult you. I am...” He was so quiet she could barely make out the tremor in the tone.

“You are . . .?”

“I am not in control.”

“You keep saying that, but you seem pretty controlled to me.” He met her eyes again. “You could have ripped Viravia’s house apart looking for me, but you didn’t. You could have attacked your cousin for saying hi, but you stopped yourself. You’re clearly being eaten alive right now, but you haven’t done much more than get all growly and threaten to bolt. And hurt yourself, which I’m pretty peeved about.”

His hands began to tremble in hers.

“Govek, what makes you think you aren’t in control?”

“I don’t think it. I know.”

“How do you know? Tell me.” She clutched his hands, careful to avoid his claws.

“I have committed many atrocities in the past, Miranda. Far more than you could possibly imagine. Things that are unforgivable. Things that would make you despise me.”

“Is that why you wanted to keep away from the clan? Cause you didn’t want me to find out about all these atrocities.” She searched his haunted eyes. “Well, that ship has sailed. It’s way off over the horizon right now. You might as well tell me before they do.”

His face contorted and he looked away. “What would you have me speak on, Miranda? What would you have me say? That I am at constant war with my own fury? That this whole fucking clan is right about me? I’m a dangerous wretch whose magic is built on chaos and rage. I fucking drove away my own...”

He stopped short, wrenching out of her grasp and stalking back across the room. His hands ripped at his hair.

“I don’t fucking deserve to speak, Miranda. What could I say other than worthless excuses that do nothing to undo the damage I have done?”

“I still want to hear them.”

Govek froze, shifted to look at her with half wild eyes. Beautiful eyes that glimmered gold in the firelight.

“I want to hear your thoughts, Govek. Because they aren’t excuses, they’re reasons.”

His hands dropped out of his hair.

“They are the reasons you acted the way you did. I’m not going to judge your actions until I can understand your perspective. Maybe I’ll agree with your reasons, maybe I won’t. But I ask that you trust me enough to tell me and let me come to my own conclusions.”

Govek’s throat worked. His eyes darted as if unsure he could speak, as if looking for someone or something to silence him.

Then he took a deep breath and said, “I’ve killed, Miranda. I’ve... murdered others.”

Miranda sucked air sharply in through her nose to mask the jolt that confession shot through her. Her voice came out a little higher pitched. “Okay... who?”

“Why the fuck does that matter?”

“Because the circumstances behind why you murdered them matter,” Miranda said, standing up. “You keep talking about control. Did you lose control and kill them?”

“Yes.” Govek’s eyes squeezed shut. “I went into a battle rage and my magic spiraled out of control.”

“Battle rage. You were being attacked?”

“Yes.”

“So, you were in a battle and killed people?” He nodded. “Civilians?”

His brows pinched together. “What?”

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