Page 74 of The Kidnapped

“You fucked that up, didn’t you?” she said to herself.

God, Raleigh had had a chance to really try to have something she’d never thought she’d get again, and she’d messed it up. She hadn’t been able to sleep well since that night. Well, she didn’t sleep well at all these days, but she’d been tossing and turning constantly for several nights now, wishing she’d reacted differently to a perfectly reasonable request to talk about anything other than what had happened to Eden and Hollis on their first and now, probably, last date. Hollis had been searching for a bright spot for one night, but Raleigh had provided her with only darkness.

Truthfully, she didn’t want any more darkness, either. She wanted everything to be bright again. Eden was brightness and smiles and baby giggles. Raleigh missed those giggles.

Hollis, in her own way, was brightness, too. She represented possibilities and second chances, along with warmth and kindness. She was safety and comfort, but also excitement and calmness at the same time. Hollis was adorable when she couldn’t cook and beautiful when she dressed up for a date by only wearing jeans and a sweater, with no makeup.

Raleigh smiled, just thinking about her. But how could she have this? How could she try to have a relationship with someone when her whole life should revolve around finding Eden? She pulled up one of the documents she needed to finish for a client and rolled her eyes. Her heart just wasn’t in this. Her mind was focused on something else, and for the first time in forever, it wasn’t her daughter.

There should’ve been guilt there. Once the realization hit that she’d been thinking about Hollis, wishing she could take back that first date and do it all over again, there should have been instant guilt because she’d been thinking about that and not her daughter, but the guilt didn’t come. It was just that warmth again at the thought of Hollis cranking the heat in the car because Raleigh was freezing, even though Hollis herself was clearly burning up after five minutes. It was warmth because Hollis had let Raleigh get out of the car at the entrance of the restaurant while she’d walked all the way from where she’d parked.

“Can we talk?” she asked when Hollis said hello into the phone.

“I don’t know. I don’t think I’m ready to talk about being friends after our failed attempt at a date, Raleigh. I’m sorry. I feel like I have whiplash from it, and I need some time,” Hollis told her.

“I’m sorry,” Raleigh said.

“It’s fine. I just should have said no when you told me you wanted to go out. You were pretty clear about not being able to before. I shouldn’t have let myself get excited about the possibility.”

“It’s not fine, Hollis,” Raleigh replied.

“Can you hold on one sec? I need to check on my mom,” Hollis said.

“Okay,” Raleigh replied.

Then, she waited.

“Raleigh, I can’t talk right now. She just threw up on her nightgown. I need to get her cleaned up.”

“Do you want me to come over? I can help.”

“No, it’s okay,” Hollis replied. “I actually have a night nurse coming over.”

“A nurse?”

“Well, it’s her first night. Mom might not like her. She didn’t like the last three I tried.”

“I didn’t know you were doing that.”

“I didn’t try until this week. We haven’t talked since…”

“Right,” Raleigh said.

“It was my mom’s idea. She has one during the day now for when I’m at work, but she said she wanted one at night, too, because she’s waking up at midnight or four in the morning at times, and she doesn’t want to have to wake me up anymore. I told her it was fine, but she’s stubborn, and her insurance will cover it a few nights a week.”

“That’s good, right?”

“Yeah, but I’ve got to go now. The nurse won’t be here for another half hour, so I need to take care of this.”

“Hollis?”

“Yeah?”

“After your mom goes to bed and the nurse is there, can you maybe come over so we can talk in person?”

“I don’t know.”

“I made a mistake,” Raleigh told her. “I don’t want this to be my life, Hollis.”

---