Page 103 of Daring You

I went tremulous at the end, which I never do, but I’ve never been so scared to lose anything, not since my mother.

“Except,” Ben says, “Mike told me you forwarded the files to Yang yesterday, after you and I spoke.”

I inhaled to deny—

“He showed me the email, Astor,” Ben says. “Your email, your time stamp, to everybody on the case.”

I shake my head. “That’s not possible.”

“Oh, no?”

I say with a raised voice, “How could I do that, Ben, when I was with you most of the night?”

Ben throws his hands up, but it’s with much more force than exasperation. “I dunno, Astor, when you went to the bathroom? When you scrolled through your phone and tapped a few buttons? I know how keen you are. How vicious you can be when you want something badly enough. And maybe, a rise up the totem pole was your goal all along.”

“That is not fair,” I grind out. “Did you see what just happened? I torpedoed my career just now—”

“And that’s what it comes down to, doesn’t it? Your career.”

“Ben, you are not listening,” I say, and this time, I don’t hold back the frustrated tears brimming against my vision. “I wouldn’t have done this to you. I wouldn’t.”

“Like I didn’t fuck you on a dare, right? You totally believed me back then.”

My mouth snaps shut.

“Do you know what it’s like to know the truth and not have the person that matters most believe you?” Ben continues. “That’s how it was. Regardless of the evidence, fuck the facts, Astor was in the right and that’s that. It’s fucking infuriating, isn’t it?”

“What, so if I say I believe you about six years ago, you’ll believe me now?” I say slowly. “This isn’t a game, Ben.”

“Oh, it’s not? Thanks for telling me! I had no fucking idea!”

Ben’s never scared me before. But I skip back a step.

“My life,” Ben snarls at me, “Is done. This life, this career, this fuckship we had, is fucking done.”

It snaps me in two to see Ben grab his bag, toss it over his shoulder, and say to me, “I’m out of this town. Ben Donahue is finished.”

“Ben, stop—”

He flicks me off like I’m a fly as he storms past, but I can’t give up. “There has to be a way, we can get a court order, we can redact your name, there’s a way to keep everything a secret.”

Ben whirls and comes up to me so we’re nose-to-nose. But I’m not frightened.

I’m heartbroken.

“You can spout all the lawyer shit at me you want,” he says. “But what matters now is my family. My friends, including your brother. I’d die before I let anything happen to them.”

“So would I, Ben. It’s why I want to figure this out with you.”

Ben’s so close, I can see flints of gray in his sky blue eyes. “It was a mistake to ever let you in. And my fault. You don’t love. You set out to hurt. And you hurt me where it matters most. To think, I was imagining a future with you, when all the while you were figuring out how to skewer mine.”

“Stop.” I grab his arm, as if that alone will prevent him from walking away. “I know you’re angry. You have every right. But you don’t get to stand here and accuse me of doing something so horrible, so disgusting, like I’m capable of it.”

“You are,” he says, without hesitation.

Ben pulls out of my slackened hold and storms off, but as his form grows smaller, it also becomes blurrier. I find I can’t move.

A hand falls on my shoulder, and I hear Neon Green say, “Uh, miss, I really need you to leave this room…”

I fall against him and he catches my slack with surprising ease.

“I’ve ruined him,” I say.

I bury my face in my hands and whisper through tear-coated lips, not caring if who hears, “I love him.”

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