Page 154 of Trusting You

I shrug it off as if I didn’t plan every single detail to the goddamned second. “I did it for you, Carter.”

“Wha—me?”

There it goes again. The restaurant silences.

“Yeah, you. This place, you remember it?”

She laughs. Neither of us has sat down yet. Lily looks back and forth between us, happy to be in the middle. “Of course, I do. It’s where you told me you wanted to be Lily’s father.”

I nod. “It’s also the exact location where you told me you were flying back to Florida, and I let you go. Dumbest decision I ever made.”

She looks at me questioningly.

“And I’m not doing it again.”

Her expression clears. “Locke, I’ve made my choice—”

“We didn’t know it at the time,” I say. “I sure as hell didn’t. But facing you, sitting across from you at this very table, we spoke as parents. As a unit.”

She shakes her head, an obvious denial on her lips.

“You’re her mother, Carter. The minute Paige honored you with the title, you became Lily’s mom.”

Carter’s eyes are shining, reflecting these mutant, neon lights, but she makes them beautiful. “I’ve had a lot of time to think,” I continue, before I pussy out. “A lot of days in that hospital bed, figuring out where I went wrong and how I ended up there instead of with you and Lily. But I had no fear of where Lily was, how she was doing because she was with you. And that, more than anything in my past, is the greatest proof I can give you: my daughter. I trusted you, Carter.”

She’s sniffling, rubbing under her nose, about to dismiss the heavy words. I finish with, “And I love you.”

Her eyes close. Her shoulders shake.

Oh, fuck, she’s sobbing.

“Carter, I—” I look around, helpless, then land on the melting Pina Colada. “Do you need a drink?”

“No,” she says, but it comes out as wail as she glares at me. “I need to love you. I want to love you.”

I don’t want to spook her, but hell, does this mean she wants to but can’t? Have I lost my shot with her? Is my past way too much of a plague for her to even want to contend with?

“I don’t deserve your trust in return,” I say quickly. “Not after what I’ve kept from you. But I was so scared of making you hate me.”

She inhales. Meets my eye.

“It’s not an excuse,” I say. “But by some miracle, you started to like me. And I couldn’t fuck that up.”

Carter still doesn’t speak. I’m about to combust. “It took me too long to realize I was wrong. I should’ve told you everything, should’ve trusted you wouldn’t despise me all over again.”

“I’ve never hated you,” she whispers, and I’m bolstered by her voice. “I hated the image you created for yourself, the makeshift personality and ego.” She takes a deep breath. Lily makes a noise, and we both glance down, but Lily’s blissfully distracted by the laminate menu.

“Because that’s not you,” she continues. “The player, the dumb jock, the asshole. You’re amazing. You’re a wonderful father. A terrific man. And it makes me so sad you couldn’t see it before I did.”

Carter’s nailed me. Right between the pecs. Exactly where my heart beats for her.

“I’m not sure what you mean.” I play dumb because she’s made me speechless. The first woman, other than my mom, who’s ever successfully tucked my tail between my legs.

Carter shakes her head. Licks her full lips. “Something Sophie said to me before she left…that all I want to do is love. It could be seen as a flaw or a strength for anyone on the outside, looking in. But to me, it’s both. I love this little girl like she’s my own. I want to love you, but I don’t know what’s left of me. But I…you don’t have to say these things. You don’t have to say you love me out of some obligation. We can make this work without—”

“Jesus Christ, is that what you think? That I have to force myself to love you because you’re more of a mother to Lily than any woman, ever, who will come into my life?”

She nods, too choked up to speak.

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