Page 70 of To Have and to Hold

Jack searched my face, and I let him. We could stand here for as long as he wanted until he made up his mind. If I moved, blinked, I could scare him off, a rabbit escaping into the trees. Patience, silence, was a strong trait of mine.

A shuttered, single blink was his only weak point. But Jack surprised me by admitting, “A friend of mine got into trouble.”

“Can I come in?” I asked.

Jack nodded and stepped back. We made our way to a small loveseat near the window that showcased the bricks on the building five feet across from it.

“And you helped him. Or her,” I said after we sat.

Jack held onto both his hands on his lap. “After, I thought it best to start fresh, for many reasons. I was run ragged, grinding gears for a position that brought no passion. I was smitten with Perry the minute I saw her—that part is true, and around that time she told me she was pregnant. With Emme. That surprise made me realize what the word ‘priority’ meant. I was a prisoner in a life that was cold. Cash, wins, success through stepping on the backs of other, more deserving people.” He dipped his head. “Law school was a joy. Real life was a monster.”

“New York can be a bitter pill to swallow,” I said. “There must’ve been comfort in starting fresh in a new town.”

“More importantly, a safe place to raise our Emme. The joy we took in seeing her grow up there, in putting her on her first horse or taking her peach picking in the summer and having her splash around in lakes. There is no better way to raise a child.” Jack swiped a hand across his eyes, removing the mist. “And I don’t regret for one instant moving away from this succubus of a city.”

I commiserated. “Some days, I can’t get enough of New York’s hot pretzel smell and all the people in suits with their artisan coffees. I figure I can sieve some of that success simply by being among them. Others, I trip on a pothole in the intersection, scuff my shoes on a crooked subway grate and wish shingles on every person who leaves dog shit on the sidewalk.”

“At the general store, my worst day is when we don’t get a shipment of bananas,” Jack said with a smile. “Truth is, when I left this city, it was like I was able to shed the snakeskin. I don’t miss these shenanigans one bit.”

I bent closer. He was in a comfortable place now. I could use it. “Jack, what were you running from?”

Jack’s large chest lifted and fell. “I’m working real hard to be truthful, here, because it’s my daughter. But these are things I’ve been sworn to secrecy over.”

If he had my ears before, Jack now had all my senses. “It’s me you’re talking to. We’re not being recorded or watched.”

“You have a duty to report,” Jack said quietly. Then, an idea burned bright. “But you could be my lawyer. Sworn to confidentiality.”

That gnashing I’d felt earlier returned, the stomach lining tearing at a faster rate. If Jack were asking for a lawyer, this was bad. So hideous he hesitated to reveal it even when his daughter was abducted.

“You know I can’t do that,” I ultimately said. “I’m a prosecutor, duty-bound to the city while I work for them. But I already swore to you…if I can’t find a connection to Emme, I’ll keep it between us.”

Dangerous territory, but I laid out the pact with ease. Sacrificing friends, putting my career on the line, risking courtroom punishment and ultimate jail time—exposure I waltzed into and doors I opened without thought to my demise.

Jack’s eyes searched mine, pinpointing the truth or the lie. He didn’t find any duplicity, because he said, “You are a good man, and are doing more for my daughter than a lot of good men would.”

“I’d do worse, if it meant getting her back.”

Jack swallowed before he said in a shaking voice, “Promise. Promise me.”

No more words were needed, because I sensed that wasn’t what he was looking for. Jack was a man of honor, as he proved by having a cup of coffee ready for anyone in town who was down on their luck and needed to start their day warm. Or in how he raised his daughter, to be respectful, strong and valued, regardless of her roots, and to treat people the same. At twenty-four, I had no idea how to fish and he took my amateur swings in stride, noticing instantly that my boots were blisteringly new (purchased after a tip from Emme that her father’s boyfriend-test involved taking him out on a boat and maybe bringing him back to shore), and patiently explained how to bait and hook. Over twenty years ago, this may not have rung true, but the Jack of today was a sturdy man who preferred a simpler life, and a handshake—the act of a physical oath—was taken more seriously than kind words ever could be.

I held out my hand.

After staring at it, he clutched it.

“First year of law school,” he started, “I became acquainted with a man who would ultimately become my closest confidante. He was one of those people who had that coveted ability. And boy, it brought us grades and girls and money. I’ve never lived with means, you see, and was always quiet and grateful for any goodness that came my way. Though I worked hard. Managed law school on a full scholarship. He came from a poor upbringing too, but you wouldn’t know it. He dressed the part, acted the part, made people believe he was already the successful lawyer he was working toward. Hell, I believed it.” Jack paused. “He might’ve started to believe it too much.”

Jack said nothing after that. Eventually, I used the silence to venture, “What did he make you cover up?”

Jack glanced at me with brief respect. “It was right after graduation, a few weeks before we were to take the New York bar. We were out partying too hard, of course, like young, stupid men do. My friend was begging me to get this girl in our class out, this gorgeous specimen who’d held our attention since the first day of one-L. Christine Sailor. My god, she was beautiful.”

I latched onto the word was.

“A glow just sort of emanated from her. Her pale brown eyes, almost yellow-tinged, her skin, her beachy kind of hair. She was simply ethereal. Granted, this was before I met Perry, so I was just as besotted as my friend, but Chrissie was untouchable. Studious, driven, and therefore found boys who hit on her to be mosquitos. Always smiling, though, and listening to whoever was in front of her. Somehow, I got her out.” Jack gave a bemused shake of his head. “I don’t know how I did it, but she agreed as sort of a last hurrah before the bar, to come out with us. We were with a group, and she was one of many, but that didn’t matter. We had her. And soon everybody else went home and we really had her.” Jack’s shoulders fell into a curve around his upper body. “Of course, now I know why she was still out with us.”

“What did she take?” I asked, but expected the answer.

Jack nodded, his gaze becoming wet. “Cocaine. Not so much that she’d become unconscious, but my friend was consistently supplying her. It was something he did every now and again, to study and keep awake, to make it through those hellish nights before exams. Dabbling was something we all did. You know what I’m talking about.”

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