Page 55 of To Have and to Hold

Emme is alive.

I keyed open the front door, seeing not what was in front of me but immersed in my mind’s eye. Emme was saying my name, her hair in ragged strands across her face, her cries scratched and torn.

“Spence!”

I jumped in the doorway, dropping my keys. Noelle was cross-legged on the leather couch, an empty glass of wine cupped in both hands. I’d had her escorted home after making a few calls on my way back from Knox’s. Her bloodless face stared back at me, her mouth parted as if she’d tried to get my attention more than once.

“Thank Christ,” I said, my bag plopping beside the keys. I was in front of her in two strides, lifting her off the couch and into my arms. Noelle was unharmed. She was here. He may have one girl, but I could control his access to another.

Noelle allowed the hug, but her shoulders were hard under my palms, her muscles tensed. She pulled away. “Tell me what the hell’s going on.”

“Good, you’re home.”

We were both distracted by the form rounding the kitchen, an officer in full uniform and one of the guys I played poker with on occasion.

“Sam, I can’t thank you enough,” I said, shaking his hand.

“It’s what I’m here for,” he replied. “I hope you catch this fucker. Thank you for the snack, Noelle.”

Noelle nodded, lips thin, but the need to be polite overrode her desperate need to tear into me.

“Keep me updated, yeah?” Sam asked me as he was leaving.

“Will do,” I said.

Noelle waited until Sam was at least one flight of stairs away. Then her hands flew up, one still holding the warmed, empty wine glass smeared with her fingerprints. “You call me, not to whisper sweet nothings or say you miss me, but to tell me to lock myself in my office until further notice.”

I started to explain but she cut in, “You didn’t even have the decency to inform me that a madman wants me as his next victim.”

My jaw snapped shut. Sam, poker shark that he was, had a weakness for telling his darkest secrets with no further prompts but an engaging smile and the offer of a cookie. I should’ve remembered that when barking at Levi to find someone to watch over Noelle.

“I wanted to tell you in person,” I said. “Not give you a heart attack over the phone.”

Noelle closed the space between us, her eyes glittering with angry, liquored heat. “Do you have any idea what that does to a person? Not all of us are so hard-edged as you. Stalking, murder, kidnapping—none of that shit is in my wheelhouse and you decide to throw police officers at me anyway and—”

“My only thought was to get you somewhere safe. It’s bad enough knowing he has Emme, but to then take you…”

“Why can’t you let them do their jobs? Why do you have to be so involved?” Her heartbreak bled over every one of her words. She pointed at her chest. “I’m terrified. Your phone call nearly had me buckling in the hallway, in front of everyone, and all I wanted was you.” Her voice hitched. “I needed you.”

I waited before I said anything. “You know me well enough to understand that when someone I love is in trouble, I will gladly create carnage in order to get them out of it.”

Noelle’s eyes flared. “Love?”

I paced away from her, digging my fingers into my hair. “Loved. I can’t describe what’s going on in my head. I knew Emme years ago. But she gets taken and my mind fills with what we had, who she was, and it’s all I can think of. To get her back. She’s gone and all I can remember is her. Please, Noe.” I strode back to her, holding her delicate, tear-damp face. “I’m not doing this on purpose.”

“Almost four days, we’ve been going through this.” Noelle’s eyes seemed to reflect the cast of city light from the window. “I saw you receive that first phone call, I witnessed your and Knox’s conversation about the kidnapping. I cooked for you while you were locked in your office figuring out what to do—kept you from passing out. I held you down last night when the nightmares came. Kissed your forehead until you were soothed enough to slumber. I’m aware you’re not doing this on purpose.”

“I’ve—”

“I’m the one you’re supposed to be leaning on, and instead you disappear or worse, hole up so deep inside yourself that you don’t need or want the company.”

Her arguments hit home in ways I didn’t count on. I chose my next words carefully. “You know how I get during trial—during a bad case. I won’t sleep until I figure it out.” I clutched her hand. Where words failed me, sometimes touch helped get the point across. Personal contact was a last resort, and usually it took more out of me than the person I was trying to communicate to. But Noelle had to understand. “This is one hundred times worse.”

Noelle blinked teardrops onto her cheeks, the only giveaway in her stoic expression. “Who is she?”

I stepped back, letting her hands slide out of my grip.

“Who is she, Spence?” Noelle repeated. “And tell me for real this time. Because if youomitone more thing from me, I’m gone. You understand?”

---