Page 49 of Burn Point

Me: Dude. Seriously. Quit worrying. You are giving me a complex.

Nate: Ok then. Are you having fun?

Me: Yes, it’s been amazing.

Nate: Good. That’s good.

I finished my Danish and gathered my trash. I forced myself to get moving and went out to Pearl. That hike sounded more and more appealing. I punched in the address on the GPS, then texted Nate a last message.

Me: I’m rolling out. Thanks for checking in on me.

Nate: Have fun. Send pictures. I miss your face you goober.

Nate: PS This would’ve been easier as a phone call.

I smiled as I typed out my response.

Me: So, call next time.

I left the shop, grinning from ear to ear and feeling much lighter. Because maybe next time, he would call.

The hike up Hawksbill wasn’t as terrible as Roger had made it out to be. Overall, it was only a little over a mile to the top, but the views were breathtaking. I sat on a slab, taking in the 360-degree view. The rock outcropping jutted out at angles. I inched my way to the edge on my rear, too chicken to stand and walk right up to the edge. The valley below me was tucked in between rolling green hills.

It wasn’t an enormous mountain like out west. But the Appalachian chain was old and historied. Beautiful.

I hadn’t passed a single person while I made the climb and had my choice of flat surface to rest upon.

All around me, nature happened. A falcon hunted from a nearby tree. Squirrels scampered at the tree line below.

Closing my eyes, I lay back on the warm surface, soaking up the sun, listening to the wildlife around me while I caught my breath.

This was what I’d been looking for. This peacefulness. This sense of accomplishment. Being afraid and pushing through that fear. Being tired and still working my way, step by step, inch by inch, toward my goal.

Even with all the drama that my life had become, I was in control of how I handled it. I was making my life happen on my terms.

All the swirling emotions gathered and brought tears to my eyes.

After Gerry’s betrayal, I’d been floundering, trying to find my place in the world again.

Then the tornado happened.

Then leaving Newman.

What did it all mean?

Every risk I’d ever taken had hurt me. Just like it had eventually hurt my dad.

I tossed my arm over my closed eyes. That wasn’t true. I took a risk in quitting my job. It was paying off.

Though leaving Gerry had hurt, in the long run, I’d come out stronger. I’d not let him break me. I was happier now than I had been while we’d been together. I didn’t even realize what I was giving up when I just stopped doing the things that I loved and sacrificed them for time with him.

I’d taken a risk on staying with Nate, that had turned out okay. I’d taken a risk with Pearl, and so far, it was going well.

I was resilient. I was strong. I was motivated. I’d done all these things. Yes, Nate had helped me with Pearl. But I was out here doing it on my own, crushing my goals.

And yet, while I was feeling so empowered and accomplished, I was also…empty inside.

I climbed down the mountain and went to a nearby town to fuel up. At the roadside bistro, a table of women sat chatting, their laughter ringing over the din of customers waiting in line.

---