I opened my eyes again on this new world where Jordan was gone, but still in my life. I’d take what I could get. “Yeah, well. No one saw me.”
She turned serious. “Thanks, Nate. I couldn’t have done it without you though.” She sounded appreciative. And I knew that if I could see her, her eyes would be gleaming, and she’d be giving me that beautiful smile. “I kept hearing your voice in my ear, teasing me that I was doing it wrong, and I just had to prove that I could do it the way we practiced.”
The memory of the afternoon we’d spent going over the technical aspects and maintenance that she’d need to know while she was on the road fell into that hollow space in my chest.
“So other than the flat, how’s the rest of the trip going?” I tried to make my voice sound casual.
“It’s great so far. No storms, Pearl handles like a dream. Oh, that’s right, my text where I named the van didn’t go through. So yeah, I named her Pearl and she’s great. I’m not sleeping all that well. I’m a little restless, but not because I’m uncomfortable. Mostly, because everything is new.”
I looked around the parking lot as she rambled, feeling a little lost without my friend, without the project to work on. Before Jordan, I hadn’t thought twice about how I spent my days. Now, her absence amplified the realization that, unless I was at work, I spent my time in solitude.
“That’s great, Skippy. I’m proud of you.”
“So, now that I have cell coverage, I just wanted to call and share a celebratory beer,” she said, and I heard a can popping open.
I smiled. Her joy was contagious. She’d been through so much. From surviving the storm, to building out that van, she’d proven her resilience.
“You deserve all the good things, Jordan. You’ve been through a lot in a short period of time. I’m glad you are enjoying yourself,” I said, truly happy for her.
We chatted for a while, and she filled me in on some of the cool things she’d seen. I hated myself for wasting the last week we had together by getting all up in my feels. Jordan was my friend, and I’d missed time with her because I was a fucking idiot. My issues weren’t her fault.
I was the one in the wrong. I’d pushed her away because I didn’t want to get any closer to her, knowing she was leaving.
But I was a fool. Because in the short time that she’d been gone, I’d learned that I’d rather have Jordan in my life as a friend than not have her at all.
She wrapped up a story about the neighbor’s dog that had been hanging out with her at the water. “So anyway. Now that I’ve bored you to death, how are you?”
How was I?
“I’m doing okay. The house is weirdly quiet without a certain blonde making a bunch of noise.”
She laughed. “Aww, you miss me.”
The truth lingered in those words. “Maybe. It’s just quiet. I guess I got used to having someone around all the time.”
“Well, enjoy the silence. Besides, me being gone will give you plenty of time to do all the things you didn’t get done while we worked on Pearl. That’s part of the reason I decided to go ahead and leave. It was time. I’d worn out my welcome.” Her voice was quiet, intimate on the line. She might as well have been sitting next to me. I felt closer to her than I ever had.
I pinched the bridge of my nose, ashamed that she’d felt like she wasn’t welcome anymore.
“Jordan, you did nothing wrong. I’m sorry you felt like you had to leave.”
Silence descended between us, as I sat just listening to her breathe with the distant trickle of the stream in the background. My gut churned because it was time to let her go. Part of me wanted to cut the ties—maybe that would make this feeling go away—and another, bigger, part of me wanted to tell her to come home, that I missed her.
“So listen,” I started, my voice low and rough. “I’m feeling weird about you being on the road alone with no one knowing where you are.”
She huffed a small laugh. “I’m a big girl, Nate. I changed my own tire after all. I can do anything now.”
I chuckled. “I know. You’re a real badass. But would you do me a favor?”
“Well, that depends on what it is.”
I gripped the steering wheel. I was stupid for even asking. I had zero business intruding on her privacy. “Would you mind sharing your location with me on your phone? I’d just feel better knowing where you are.”
“No way. You’ll come stalk me and pull a prank in the middle of the night,” she replied with mock outrage.
I swallowed, nervous because I suddenly needed to know that I could find her if she needed me. “I’m serious, Jordan.” What could I say that wouldn’t be overstepping the lines of friendship? “I don’t like the thought of you being out there all alone.”
She grew quiet.