Page 79 of Finding Wonderland

Happy twenty-first birthday, sweet girl! I hope you have the best day possible and have a blessed new year of life. I wish with my whole heart that your mom and I could be there to celebrate with you. When you are back in our lives, we will celebrate all the birthdays we have missed together.

When I met your mom, I felt her pain at your absence in her life. Over the years, I have carried that same pain although we have never met. You are my child, Blake, whether you understand that or not. I knew loving your mom meant loving Mason and you as well, and it has been my honor to do so. Not a day has gone by these last fifteen years that your mother and I don’t think about you. And Mason as well.

Even your new siblings ask about you. We all watch your TV shows together, and Brayden always comments how much you, Mason, and Ellie look alike. And you do; especially Ellie. She’s you and your mom made over. Her and Brayden are four now. They’re in preschool three days a week and will be starting kindergarten next year. Brayden has learned how to ride a bike, and Ellie loves to perform for the family. I think she gets her acting skills from her big sister.

Mason is nineteen, can you believe it? I can’t. I still see her as the little four-year-old girl I met many years ago. She misses you, Blake. I know she doesn’t reach out, but she doesn’t know what to say. None of us do, really. Somedays it feels as if I’m writing letters to the wind. But I have faith that one day, you will read these letters. You will read them and know how much we love you and want you back in our lives.

I know a lot of time has passed, and there are pains from the past that we all will have to work through, but we want you in our lives, Blake. Please, if you are reading these, call me or your mom. Or show up, honestly. Our house is your home too. You are always welcomed here.

As always, I’ve included a couple of new photos for you. I hope you see yourself in your siblings. Seeing you in them makes me smile every day. I love you, Blake. I miss you, and I pray one day we can meet in person.

Until we meet,

Vera

Sighing, Vera sat the pen down on the desk and folded the two sheets of paper three times. It was a routine at this point; something she had done so often she could do it in her sleep. She pulled one of the envelopes out of the top drawer, tucked the letter inside, and added the couple of photos she’d printed off earlier. One was of Ellie and Brayden on a sled out in the snow, and the other was of Mason, Vera, and Isla building a snowman.

Vera carefully licked the envelope to seal it before filling out the address. They had found the address via a forum online years ago. It was to the agency Blake was represented through, and their website said all mail would be forwarded to the person addressed. As they had never received returned mail back, Isla and Vera assumed someone had been getting the mail.

Carrying the envelope into the kitchen, Vera sat it with her bag to drop off the following day on her way to work. She was about to head up the stairs when Ellie came down the stairs, her blanket held in her fist and trailing behind her. Ellie held her small arms up to Vera, and she picked her up. It didn’t matter she was almost too big to pick up; Vera would do it until she was physically unable to.

“Hey, baby girl. What are you doing up?”

“I’m not sleepy,” she yawned. “Can you read me a story?”

“Of course.”

Vera carried her into the living room where she picked up a Christmas book off the end table. Although the holiday was still weeks away, they had decorated their house the day after Halloween thanks to Ellie and Brayden’s insistence. Neither Isla nor Vera cared; they enjoyed the warm glow of the multi-colored lights on the artificial tree that made their living room seem more cozy than usual. Sitting on the recliner, Vera smiled as Ellie snuggled into her, twirling Vera’s blonde hair around her fingers.

They read Mickey’s Christmas Carol twice, at Ellie’s prompting. Vera knew she was delaying having to go back to bed, but she didn’t care. She’d read to Ellie as they stayed cuddled up together forever.

“Mama?”

“Yes, Ellie?”

“Do you think Santa’s going to bring us a puppy this year?”

Vera chuckled. “I don’t know, sweetie. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

“Maybe I’ll write him another letter.”

“You can do that.”

“I’m gonna ask for Blake too.” Ellie’s words hung in the air as Vera held tighter onto her. She sat the book down on the armrest and kissed Ellie’s soft cheek.

“That’s a great idea, Ellie.”

Taking the blanket off the back of the recliner, Vera covered them both up as she popped out the foot rest. Ellie rearranged her position, cuddling even closer to Vera. When Vera was pregnant with Ellie and Brayden, she often slept in the recliner because she couldn’t get comfortable in the bed. Then when Ellie was younger, she had a hard time falling asleep. Some nights the only thing that worked was sleeping with her in the recliner. Although it didn’t happen nearly as often anymore, Vera was more than willing to sacrifice a good night’s sleep in her own bed to spend it snuggled up with Ellie.

“I love you, Ellie.”

“Love you, Mama.”

Vera had no idea how long they’d been asleep until she felt Isla tenderly kiss her cheek the following morning. She stirred awake, careful not to also wake Ellie. Smiling up at Isla, Vera fell in love with her wife all over again.

“Hey.”

“Hey. I wondered where you slept last night.”

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