Page 119 of Finding Wonderland

For a moment, Blake hesitated. Isla braced herself for the fact that maybe, just maybe, now would be the time Blake would finally let her into the wall she’d been keeping between them since she arrived in the Cove.

But that dream was crushed when Blake smiled and said, “I should get home. We’re making cookies for Santa.”

“Oh, well, of course,” Isla was keenly aware of her sarcastic laugh but didn’t bother to stop it. “How can I compete with that?”

If Blake picked up on her sarcasm, she didn’t act like it. Instead, she smiled again and turned to leave. Isla waited until Blake was in her car and driving away before slamming the door and marching up the stairs to the bedroom. She didn’t care if she’d made a scene in front of her kids or Vera. Isla was hurt and she wasn’t the best at processing that emotion yet.

Storming into the bathroom, Isla slammed the door behind her as she braced herself on the counter. She didn’t stop the angry tears from falling as she cried over her eldest daughter. Isla had spent decades wishing Blake was back and that they could rebuild their relationship. But Blake didn’t seem interested in that. She’d rather make cookies for Santa with her new family.

Isla knew it was only a matter of time before Vera came into the bathroom. So when the door opened, Isla didn’t have to look up to see who it was.

“This isn’t fair,” Isla sobbed as she went into her wife’s embrace. “We’ve waited so long for her to be back and I feel like I’m still waiting.”

“I know, baby.” Vera held Isla tight, swaying ever so slightly. “I know this is so hard for you.”

“Why doesn’t she want to get to know me? Or you? Or the kids? I don’t,” she sobbed, “understand.”

Vera tightened her grip on Isla as she kissed her head. “She’s hurting, baby. Just like you are. This has to be hard for her too. She is coming in as almost an outsider, and here you are, happy and with a family. She may feel like she was replaced.”

“But she wasn’t,” Isla sobbed again.

“We know that, but we have to look at things from Blake’s perspective.” Pulling back slightly, Vera wiped the tears from Isla’s cheek. It was then Isla could see she was crying too. “We just have to keep showing up for her and letting her know we are here when she is ready to let us in. We can’t force it. Blake has to want it. And I know she does, baby. I can see it in her eyes.”

Vera's eyes softened as she caressed Isla’s cheek.

“But I see a lot of you in her. I see how scared she is to open up. She doesn’t want to get hurt again, and we can’t fault her for that. Blake’s never had control of what’s happened in her life. Not until Alexis. And I truly think that by loving Alexis and Harper, she’s going to learn to open up to us as well.”

Isla nodded, knowing Vera was right. Even if she didn’t want to admit that. “I just wish she’d talk to me. But she keeps that damn wall between us. I want to grab a sledgehammer and knock it down but I know that will only send her running farther away from us.”

Taking a deep breath, Isla tried to calm down. She watched as Vera took deep breaths, silently coaching Isla to do the same, which she did.

Looking down at her forearm, Isla studied the tattoo she’d gotten a few months ago with Vera. They’d had each of their five kids draw a heart and they then got them tattooed on their forearms together. Isla loved how the hearts were in the birth order for her babies, and the fact she shared the special ink with Vera.

“I want her to have a relationship with me, yes, but it’s more than that. I want her to have a relationship with her siblings. Mason, Ellie, Brayden, Evie… they all need their sister.”

“And with time, I truly think that will happen. She’s focused on Alexis and Harper now, and I know that hurts you, but that’s okay. Blake is here, and she’s happy. She’s in our lives again, and that’s what matters right now, okay?”

Isla nodded.

She knew Vera was right. Even if it did little to calm the anger that was burrowing in the pit of her stomach.

Chapter 42

Vera

2021

Summers in the Cape were Vera’s absolute favorite. Especially since the year before, their trips had been short since Blake had arrived back into their lives. Not that Vera was complaining. She’d pick Blake in their lives over time in Cape Cod any day.

Even if Blake’s presence this year for their Fourth of July celebration was accompanied by Isla’s growing anger at the fact she and Blake still hadn’t reconnected. At least not in the way Isla had wanted them to. Vera knew the last year had been hard on Isla. They had fought more than ever before, and their sex life had taken a hit from all the anger Isla was carrying.

Vera had tried to encourage Isla to go to therapy and get help, but that only seemed to make Isla mad at her. And that was something Vera wasn’t used to. Until the past year, Vera couldn’t remember a time when they’d fought about anything other than Walker. Not seriously, at least.

But Isla was holding on so tightly to her anger that Vera knew it was only a matter of time before she exploded. Vera’s only hope was that it would be on her and not the kids—not that Isla would ever lay a hand on any of them. That wasn’t what Vera was worried about. What she was worried about was Isla's ability to shoot daggers with her words when she was hurt.

And Isla was more hurt now than Vera had ever seen her before.

Ever since Blake arrived in the Cove a little over a year ago, Isla had been desperately trying to connect with her. Since the beginning, Isla had said she wanted Blake to dictate how their relationship went. But Vera knew that Blake’s timeline wasn’t Isla’s. Isla was ready to be Blake’s mom again. She wanted those late-night talks, the silly inside jokes, the long phone calls where they talked about nothing and everything.

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